Country singer Faith Hill reportedly yelled at a fan during one of her concerts with husband Tim McGraw, when the fan grabbed Little Tug in an inappropriate place.
Here's her quote, "Somebody needs to teach you some class, my friend. You don't go grabbin' somebody else's...somebody's husband’s balls, you understand me? That's very disrespectful."
You know, once upon a time, Tim McGraw had a novelty country hit called "Indian Outlaw," which was a pretty horrible, culturally offense song that I figured would be the next Briefly-Achy-Breaky-Sensation.
Nope. Somewhere on the train to being the next country one-hit wonder, McGraw bought himself a case of medium Baby Gap t-shirts, BeDazzled them, and voila, a star was born.
Anyway, this doesn't say much for the current state of country music. The line between country and an R Kelly show just got pretty blurry. He's Tug McGraw's kid, not Usher.
Gentleman Jim Reeves didn't live in fear of a sudden package cupping at the Grand Ol' Opry. I don't remember women jumping on stage to fondle Waylon, nor Willie, nor the boys. Back in the good ol' days, if you wanted to touch George Jones's cash and prizes, you just had to wait for him to show up just like everybody else.
All I know is, the fan is pretty lucky that they were at a Faith Hill concert. If that was Lorrie Morgan or Gretchen Wilson, she'd be spitting out teeth.
Fair warning for all of my regulars, this will be the final Trivial Mondays of this format. Check back in next week because starting next Monday, I'll up the stakes so your trivial knowledge can help you win stuff, and help me clean out my vast stores of pop culture crap. Here's this week's array of sudden sound, identify the song and singer:
Send your answers to snowfire51@gmail.com, with the title "Trivia Answers." I'll post the winners on Wednesday, and whoever gets the most right gets to give a shout-out here at ReidAboutIt.com. If there's more than one top trivial answerer, I'll pick a random winner. Make me proud, you guys.
Ouch. Actor Esai Morales is being sued by a former girlfriend who says the former "NYPD Blue" and "La Bamba" actor assaulted her and gave her herpes.
This really seems like a legitimate case. If you were going to sue somebody in Hollywood, Esai Morales isn't the first name that jumps to mind. What's he going to offer her, a VHS copy of "La Bamba" and a birthday card autographed by Los Lobos?
Anyway, that's a lawsuit that even a winning verdict doesn't really help you too much with. If the plaintiff wins, she's still got herpes. And if the defendant wins, well, him too. Seems a bit vengeful.
I'd like to be there for the verdict, though.
"I find in favor of the Plaintiff. I sentence the Defendant to a fine of $25,000 and probation of not less than two years. Oh, and I also sentence him to have everybody in the world know he's walking around with a raging case of herpes. Bailiff, see if you can get that run in the next Entertainment Weekly."
Good trivia this week, as we had a grand total of one person get all eight right. Our winner is Martha in Massachusetts. Martha's a monumentally big Neil Finn fan, so for her shout-out she like to plug the Crowded House MySpace page.
Is there anything more "car crash interesting" than watching Lindsay Lohan self-destruct?
Everytime you think it can't get worse, or can't get more public, she turns another corner and floors it for looneyville. Car crashes? She's got 'em. Late night car chases? Even better! Movies getting publicly cancelled because of her partying? You betcha. Drunk driving? Constantly. Throw in a fresh dusting of right-from-rehab-cocaine, and it's the best reality show anywhere near television.
Think about it. In 2003-04, she had three major hits (Drama Queen, Mean Girls, Freaky Friday), and hasn't made much of a positive splash since then. By the numbers, Lindsay's had five car crashes, four awful movies, two albums no one bought, two arrests, two stints in rehab, and one relationship with Wilder Valderrama, whoever the Hell that is. I think he was on "Alf."
I'm not sure why she's still the queen of all media, but it sure is interesting. I wish she'd do another "Herbie" movie, just so the car could tell her to get her drunk ass out and stop crashing into people.
UPDATE: They're reporting that Lohan has checked herself into the Chateau Marmont. Man, that's a great move. Yep, nothing bad ever happens there. That place isn't famous for Belushi dying there, or rockstars trashing it in drug-fueled rampages. I guess she couldn't get a nice apartment above the Viper Room, or some other calm location.
Monday means trivial snippets once again, as every Monday I'll post snippets of songs, tv shows, and movies for your amusement. Your mission, identify each of the snippets. Here's this week's array of sudden sound:
Send your answers to snowfire51@gmail.com, with the title "Trivia Answers." I'll post the winners on Wednesday, and whoever gets the most right gets to give a shout-out here at ReidAboutIt.com. If there's more than one top trivial answerer, I'll pick a random winner. Make me proud, you guys.
Uh, yeah. Not sure if the media has noticed, but most Harry Potter fans had something else to do. I'm sure when J.K. Rowling found out "Potter" wasn't the number one movie anymore, she probably retired to her solid gold bed and wept, pausing only to wipe her teary eyes with hundred dollar bills.
(Yeah, I know she's British. I maintain hundred dollar bills would be more absorbent than pound notes.)
Everywhere I went Friday night, there were people dressed like they were on their way to class at Hogwarts. Barnes & Noble, Wal-Mart, Hastings, Chachi's Bait Shop, everywhere that was going to have a copy of the new Harry Potter book had a line.
And for a change, I'm not going to make fun of somebody in this space.
Sometimes, dorkery is cool.
Ask yourself this, what's the next time we'll have any media sensation big enough to create lines at a bookstore? Are we going to release a New New Testament, maybe?
The last lines I remember were for the Lord of the Rings movie, which we're all out of, and the latest round of gaming systems, which were for financial purposes and all wound up on eBay the next afternoon. We're all out of media phenomena.
Embrace the inner dork, everybody. It's not like they're lining up for days to watch Die Hard 4.
By the way, my prediction for the final line of the book?
"And lo, Harry's spirit passed forth from the realm of hardcover releases, and into a series of ghost-written paperbacks unto eternity."
This column probably contains some spoilers. So does the movie, as there ain't a whole lot of surprises for anyone who's seen any of the other movies, ever watched an action flick, or has a frontal lobe. The trailers for this movie seemed like it was going to be a special effects movie and not too heavy on the plot. Unfortunately, this movie was exactly what I was afraid it was going to be. This is more "Die Hard 2" than "Die Hard."
Action movies require a certain suspension of disbelief. LFoDH demands it from the opening scene, beats you over the head with it by the second act, and by the time the big truck is deftly dodging missles on the freeway, you're so numb from resisting reality it all makes sense. I haven't suspended this much disbelief since I convinced myself I could still pull off wearing tight jeans.
This movie begins with a simple terrorist premise that if you're trying to get rid of somebody that has some information you don't want revealed, it's easier to blow up an entire building than just to kill them with a gun, knife, bolo, katana, or anything else. It expands that later on to include helicopters, jet fighters, exploding gas plants, and acrobat terrorists.
It's like a live action comic book, but not a good one. It wouldn't be a good comic with both action and plot they could actually make a good movie out of. It's not an "X-Men," it's that horrible first Punisher movie with Dolph Lundgren.
(You haven't seen that one? Damn good reason for it, I think Marvel Comics bought and destroyed all the copies. Hilarious if you can find it.)
Anyway, Bruce Willis, head shaved and looking like a thinner Vic Mackie, is absolutely indestructible. Shoot him, drop him off a building, throw him out of a moving car, nothing slows him down.
Actors act badly. Stuff blows up. Characters know things they couldn't possibly know. More stuff blows up. People get all over the Eastern seaboard in spite of massive traffic problems being one of the plot points. Kevin Smith is funny in a deus ex machina cameo. The good guys do as much property damage as the bad guys. The hero stumbles into the climax, where he swipes the ending from Frank Miller's Ronin. Everyone jokes. Roll credits.
Too much. Just too much. Turn your brain off for that long, and serious damage may occur. It brings to mind my favorite review ever, from Bloom County.
"(This film) has brought the word 'BAD' to new levels of badness. Bad acting. Bad effects. Bad everything. This film just oozed rottenness from every bad scene...Simply bad beyond all infinite dimensions of possible badness."
"Well maybe not that bad, but Lord, it wasn't good."
Much better response on the weekly trivia this time, as we had a bunch of folks go 8-for-8. Our lucky winner is Christine, a very talented writer who puts down some great stuff over at her blog, Overthink.
Other winners this week are Martha in Massachusetts, Penelope the cat, Rachel in Texas, and Tim, Sandy, and Angela, all of whom appear to have no state of residence. Gracias to everybody who tried this time, and there'll be another Trivial Monday coming up next week. Thanks!
Regular readers of mine know how much I detest morning FM radio. Well, another wacky morning radio guy has injured himself in a wacky morning radio guy stunt. Here's the writeup, with my comments added.
Dominic Dieter, a DJ for WKRI 92.3, was treated and released from MetroHealth Medical Center after being injured during a radio stunt Friday morning. NewsChannel5 reported Dieter was dared to roll down a steep hill near East 49th Street and Marginal Road in an 85-gallon drum.
Somebody please explain what makes this "Jackass" stunt funny on radio? It's twenty seconds of noise, followed by an interview with a very dizzy person.
It would sound roughly like this..."BadumbadumbadumbdaumbadumbadumbaCRASH!!! Owwwwwww...I think I'm gonna puke."
At least it was on an FM station, where you could hear the stereo sound of the oil drum rolling past you on its way to comedic misfortune.
The lid reportedly popped off and Dieter was injured.
Well, the only thing funnier than a Morning Zoo Crew Wacky Stunt is a Wacky Stunt with no quality control. God forbid they dispatch Dave the intern to get a couple of bolts to keep a lid on the rolling can of death.
The station said he laid on the ground for 20 minutes, saying he could not feel his feet.
Well, once you stop using your frontal lobe, it stands to reason that the rest of your body would soon atrophy, too.
Rover, the show's other host, said the Dare Dieter segment is over.
God, I hate morning radio guys. The stereotypes are so true. Just like I said, one of them always has to be named after a freakin' animal.
NewsChannel5 was unable to reach the station's general manager.
Because he was too busy laughing his ass off, and rolling around on a big pile of money.
The weekly trivia is back, so every Monday I'll post snippets of songs, tv shows, and movies for your amusement. Your mission, identify each of the snippets. Here's this week's array of sudden sound:
Send your answers to snowfire51@gmail.com, with the title "Trivia Answers." I'll post the winners on Wednesday, and whoever gets the most right gets to give a shout-out here at ReidAboutIt.com. If there's more than one top trivial answerer, I'll pick a random winner. Make me proud, you guys.
I watched the grand return of MTV's "Unplugged" series this weekend, with Bon Jovi returning to the format they started twenty years ago. Not so good. Jon has really aged well. Richie has aged like Hell. Jon looks like a movie star, and Richie looks like the fat cro-magnon Baldwin brother.
This wasn't just unplugged, it was unconscious. From the first notes of "Living On A Prayer" slowed down and arranged for a string section, you knew something was wrong here. Things just got worse after that, with the new country-songs getting a half-hearted unplugged performance, and the older stuff done night-club-style. Hearing "You Give Love A Bad Name" with a bad Vegas lounge beat behind it just makes it sound like an awful cover of "Stray Cat Strut".
The entire appeal of the unplugged setting is the stripped down, true musicianship of it. That kind of loses its appeal when your four-piece band becomes a dozen people on stage.
And hearing Jon introducing the guys from the All-American Rejects was just sad. "We really dig these young guys, they're kicking some big major bootie right now..." Does Jon know he sounds like Phil Hartman's Frank Sinatra character?
When you hear songs of your youth, you should feel nostalgic, not just old. I was hoping Bon Jovi would give me cause to remember, but instead they just made me want to take a nap and watch Matlock.
Longtime readers of my stuff know what a fan of bad movies I am. I thought today I'd begin a new segment where I watch movies that no one else should have to, and spare everyone the horror. In honor of the day, my first segment will deal with the man of the hour.
Reid Watches It So You Don't Have To: The Friday The 13th Franchise
He's more recognizable than your average Vice-President, only with a slightly higher body count. He's Jason Voorhees, everybody's favorite serial killer, and somehow he's had eleven movies and made more than three hundred million bucks in the past twenty-eight years.
No need for you to see these movies, I've already done it. In honor of the anniversary, here's what you need to know about each flick.
Friday the 13th This was after the movie "Halloween," when studios were green-lighting anything with a slasher and a calendar connection. "Prom Night," "Happy Birthday To Me," "April Fool's Day," basically any special event was cause for a whole boatload of people to get killed. Kevin Bacon is killed by Mrs. Voorhees, thus giving Jason a "Kevin Bacon Index" of two.
Friday the 13th Part 2 Jason's first appearance, wearing a potato sack for a facial covering. He appears to be a cross between the Elephant Man and the banjo player from Deliverance.
Friday the 13th Part 3 This movie was in 3-D, thus making it not only horribly acted, but awkward on cable. Jason picks up the famous hockey mask in this one.
Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter This movie wasn't the final chapter, obviously. Jason meets nutjob loonball Crispin Glover and parks a cleaver in his face. Sadly, Corey Feldman gets away. In retrospect, it would have been a mercy kill.
Friday the 13th: A New Beginning This was the "Jason: The Next Generation" try, where they kept Jason dead and had someone else take up his exact MO. Accepting that one retarded super-psycho killer was hanging out and carving up teenagers at Crystal Lake was hard enough, nobody bought that there were two of them.
Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives Jason gets struck by lightning, then rips out the heart of Horshack, from Welcome Back Kotter. No kidding. This was the movie where Jason effectively becomes immortal and unstoppable, and the franchise turns from "horror" to "comedy that makes you feel creepy about all of the teenagers in the theatre cheering for the serial killer."
Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood Jason versus Carrie. A machete beats a telekinetic high school girl nine times out of ten, by the way.
Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan Jason leaves his country home for the big city, and winds up killed by nuclear waste. I think there was a metaphor of some sort there, but I didn't get it.
Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday Again, "Final" obviously is just a marketing term. This film answers the question, "Why haven't the federal authorities noticed that Jason has killed a thousand people over the past ten years?"
Jason X Jason revives in the future, and in a world of laser cannons and virtual reality, he still hacks up people with a machete and people shoot at him with bullets. He's old school.
Freddy vs. Jason Jason has apparently killed everybody else by now, so he's being sicced on other fictional serial killers. Next sequel, he'll be fighting Hannibal Lecter, Sweeney Todd, and Voldemort.
And there you have it. I've wasted my youth watching them, no need for you guys to waste your brain cells. You're welcome.
Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff said this week we should all continue to stay worried about a terrorist attack because of a "gut feeling" he had.
To be fair, that's not exactly what he said. If you'll go back and read his original comments, what he said was "My spidey-sense is tingling!"
Reacting with his "gut" over terrorist attacks? Chertoff may think he's some kind of amalgam of Columbo, Mickey Spillane, and Chuck Norris, but the American people need a bit more evidence to go on, don't you think? There's a reason Miss Cleo wasn't named director of Homeland Security. Perhaps his "gut" is merely reacting to a lunch of fajitas and gin.
Why open yourself up to ridicule by publicly calling on the magic powers of your "gut"? Why not just say "My big toe is itchy. That either means terrorist activity, or company's coming for dinner." Be cool, man. Pull a Han Solo and just say ominously, "I got a bad feeling about this."
Why not just make something up? You know, fill out one of those thousand-word documents that everybody comments on and nobody reads, like the Iraq Report or a Robin Williams movie script.
Just don't come out and admit you don't have any evidence. We kind of depend on you to have actual knowledge of what's going on, or at least to pretend that you do. Any layman can have hunches.
You know, like that nagging feeling I have that we're totally fucked.
Thanks to everybody who entered the trivia contest this week, the winner (and the only person to get all eight right) was Todd in Texas. For his official shout-out, Todd would like to plug his website, a pretty funny site you can find right here. Tell him I sent you, of course.
And the answers are...
Trivial Monday 7/9/7 #1 -- Mr. Roboto/Styx #2 -- I Want To Know What Love Is/Foreigner #3 -- Africa/Toto #4 -- Only Wanna Be With You/Hootie and the Blowfish #5 -- Mr. Jones/Counting Crows #6 -- Buddy Holly/Weezer #7 -- Arrested Development #8 -- Glengarry Glen Ross
Gracias to everybody who tried this time, and there'll be another Trivial Monday coming up next week. Thanks!
I'm pretty much carbon neutral. However, I still have lingering prejudice against lactose.
Lowe's has those shoplifter-proof security gates in their stores. Why? Is that to stop a guy trying to smuggle out a dishwasher in his pants?
I like going to PetSmart, because I can pee anywhere and nobody gets suspicious.
Wal-Mart has a new marketing idea, they're going to start making smaller stores. Another revolutionary idea from the folks at Wal-Mart, eh? They're going backwards in time to before they screwed everything up. What other great new concepts will they come up with next? Perhaps a device to anchor a cell phone to the wall, so you won't lose it. Maybe they should make televisions with knobs on the front in case you lose the remotes, and antennas for when the cable goes out in storms.
Somewhere out there is a factory where they test toilets. When I'm upset about the crap I have to put up with at work, I think about that and feel better by comparison.
They now make KY Lubricant in mist form. If you can't take it on yourself to apply this product manually, maybe you shouldn't be using it.
I'd like to see a cop buddy-movie with Nick Nolte and Gary Busey. They could do bad-cop-worse cop. Or maybe drunk-cop, high-cop.
I loved to read mysteries growing up. My favorite was "The Hardy Boys and the Mystery of the Ivory Douchebag."
There are always movies where somebody has an accident, and can see into the future. What about the other senses? Where is the guy who can wake up, and hear a massive car crash down on Broadway street coming up at noon? The blind man who can smell tonight's steak dinner at six o'clock in the morning? The savant who can taste death in the air?
I saw a really funny TV show the other day. The main character was this fat guy, and he had a hot wife who was always making fun of him. I know they lived in a big city because he was always wearing the local sporting apparel, and their family was always dropping by and causing hilarious problems. I wish I could remember the name of that show.
By semi-popular demand, I'm bring back the weekly trivia. This trivia game grew out of my freakish "Radio Roulette" abilities, so I thought'd I'd share. Every Monday, I'll post snippets of songs, tv shows, and movies here. Your mission, identify each of these snippets:
Send your answers to snowfire51@gmail.com, with the title "Trivia Answers." I'll post the winners on Wednesday, and whoever gets the most right gets to give a shout-out here at ReidAboutIt.com. If there's more than one top trivial answerer, I'll pick a random winner. Make me proud, you guys.
I've got a site counter on Reid About It that tells you not only how many people visit the site, but how they are referred to it. I'm always intrigued by the things people are looking for when they find my page. Here's a few samples.
"tylertx bad area prostitution" Not sure what the definition for this person of "bad" for prostitution is. Is it too many prostitutes, or can you not find enough prostitutes, or are they not of the requested variety? I need more data on this one.
"flintstones vitamin crap" Not sure if they're wanting ingredients here or what.
"what is souse loaf" Good Lord, man, I don't know. I tried to figure it out once.
"rosieodonnell nude" Why do people always search my site for this? Or search in general? Or why is that possible to type that phrase without governmental sanction, for that matter.
"jennajameson pictures" And this is my number one search term, and the reason I mention adult film star Jenna Jameson at least once a month. For that matter, I'm not sure you can really refer to someone in the porn industry can be referred to as a "star." If the same thing happened to any other profession, they'd be pitied as a political prisoner.
"who sings arubajamaica" Hopefully this is someone looking for the Beach Boys, and not someone with clues to where Natalie Hollowell is.
"becoming a professional wrestling referee" Not sure why they came here, or what the first step is joining this profession is, but I'm fairly certain there's no eye exam during the physical.
"kellybrandon spread her" Not sure if "Kelly Brandon" is some kind of adult film star, or if somebody's just interested in reading hot Beverly Hills 90210 fan-fic.
"after vasectomy how long wait after gathering sample deliver to lab" Six weeks, I believe. For all the details I have, kind sir, check out the article here.
"what's on cinemax" Damn good question. Last time I checked, it was Busty Cops 2. It does wrap up a lot of the dangling plotlines from the original Busty Cops, but the pacing and dialogue aren't as good. I watched it, but I'm a completist.
"josh's testicles" I have no knowledge of this topic whatsoever. All I can say is good luck, Josh.
And of course, some searches on my name.
"reid-free" Ah, wouldn't it be a better world if there was a simple "Reid-Free Button" to press?
"reidkerr mild end" Not sure what this is asking for, but I think it's a bit better than mild. I'd go so far as to say it's moderately spectacular.
There's already trouble on "Private Practice," the new spinoff of "Grey's Anatomy."
They're changing actresses for one of the characters, so Audra McDonald will join Kate Walsh and Taye Diggs on the show.
And there's the problem.
Taye Diggs, while certainly an attractive guy and a decent actor, is the kiss of death for any television show. Everyone knows who Taye Diggs is, women love him, and yet nobody shows up to watch his TV shows or movies. Television shows like "Day Break" and "Kevin Hill" are heavily pushed and marketed, and Diggs' smiling face is on your TV for weeks in advance of his next project.
Then, his show is canned in less than two months.
He's the male Rena Sofer, a really good-looking actor who can't keep a show on the air. And yes, I know Sofer was on a couple of shows this year, but she was barely on "Heroes," and part of the worst season of "24" ever.
By the way, prior to her run on CSI, I referred to this phenomena as "Eva La Rue's Disease."
Anyway, I give it a season on the air. Too much hype.
I've written before about how much I enjoy when highly hyped things go horribly, horribly wrong. It's just my nature. Some things are marketed as "can't miss" shows to the point where there's no logical conclusion but a disappointing "miss."
I imagine the networks' programming meetings going something like this:
"Why don't we just take these characters and follow them home from Korea? Let's keep up with them after M*A*S*H!"
"It's gonna be a sure-fire hit. Who doesn't love Joey? It'll be like friends with just one guy!"
"You know, this Heather Graham...she's hot, she's funny, she popular...let's give her her own show. It can't miss! It'll run forever!"
I saw Ghost Rider this past weekend. This movie appears to feature Nicholas Cage as an Elvis impersonator who sells his soul to the devil, Eva Mendes as a girl who shows her cleavage in every single scene, and Sam Elliott reprising his role from "Roadhouse." Elliott narrates things, and everytime he speaks, I remember his "Beef...It's What's For Dinner" commercials and get hungry.
