This week is kind of a wild card, with no discernible theme to the show. The Idols pick a song, any song, and perform. This week is a good opportunity for each performer to show us they understand what their strengths are.
Unfortunately, right off the bat, Anoop shows us he doesn't. Anoop does a totally karaoke version of "Caught Up" to start the show. It's just not a good idea to perform a sing for Simon that includes the word "homeys." It's not going to go well.
The tattooed Megan is next, doing Bob Marley's "Turn Your Lights Down." Megan's voice has a Nelly Furtado growl to it that sets her apart, but also eliminates her from serious contention. Every week they seem to like her less and less, unfortunately.
Danny continues to be Danny, hitting all the right spots with "What Hurts The Most." He's a good example of someone who knows his strengths and picks the perfect songs for his style.
Sixteen-year-old Allison does "Don't Speak." I liked it, the judges didn't. She's starting to get backlash for being too good in the previous rounds, it seems. Also, with the guitar slung around her and the weird fashion, it reminded me of some kind of Hannah Montana-Camp Rock-Disney movie.
After Scott was chastised for being a piano guy, this week he takes a piano song and turns it into...a piano song. Worse still, he brings back Kirk Cameron's hair from 1987. His "Just The Way You Are" is well-received, though.
Up next is the other piano guy Matt, who does a song from...a piano band. He does "You Found Me" from The Fray. Matt's another good example of a guy completely comfortable with who he is. However, what he is isn't the next American Idol.
Lil comes up with "I Surrender" from Celine Dion, who along with Mariah and Whitney are the patron saints of prospective American Idols. She seemed to perform a lot better than they gave her credit for, Lil is one of those singers who's so good she graded at a higher level. Worse yet, afterwards Seacrest brought her daughter up for a tearful hug with Randy.
Adam picks another weird one, with "Play That Funky Music." He's still staying away from the "Emo Adam" look, but with the hair swooped back, he's got a televangelist vibe about him. He kills again, though. Paula responds with a verbal essay about longevity that sounds so good, I'm going to assume it was either written on the teleprompter or fed to her through her earpiece.
Kris draws the slot of following Adam, and does "Ain't No Sunshine." Simple song, rave reviews.
This week is kind of a wild card, with no discernible theme to the show. The Idols pick a song, any song, and perform. This week is a good opportunity for each performer to show us they understand what their strengths are.
Unfortunately, right off the bat, Anoop shows us he doesn't. Anoop does a totally karaoke version of "Caught Up" to start the show. It's just not a good idea to perform a sing for Simon that includes the word "homeys." It's not going to go well.
The tattooed Megan is next, doing Bob Marley's "Turn Your Lights Down." Megan's voice has a Nelly Furtado growl to it that sets her apart, but also eliminates her from serious contention. Every week they seem to like her less and less, unfortunately.
Danny continues to be Danny, hitting all the right spots with "What Hurts The Most." He's a good example of someone who knows his strengths and picks the perfect songs for his style.
Sixteen-year-old Allison does "Don't Speak." I liked it, the judges didn't. She's starting to get backlash for being too good in the previous rounds, it seems. Also, with the guitar slung around her and the weird fashion, it reminded me of some kind of Hannah Montana-Camp Rock-Disney movie.
After Scott was chastised for being a piano guy, this week he takes a piano song and turns it into...a piano song. Worse still, he brings back Kirk Cameron's hair from 1987. His "Just The Way You Are" is well-received, though.
Up next is the other piano guy Matt, who does a song from...a piano band. He does "You Found Me" from The Fray. Matt's another good example of a guy completely comfortable with who he is. However, what he is isn't the next American Idol.
Lil comes up with "I Surrender" from Celine Dion, who along with Mariah and Whitney are the patron saints of prospective American Idols. She seemed to perform a lot better than they gave her credit for, Lil is one of those singers who's so good she graded at a higher level. Worse yet, afterwards Seacrest brought her daughter up for a tearful hug with Randy.
Adam picks another weird one, with "Play That Funky Music." He's still staying away from the "Emo Adam" look, but with the hair swooped back, he's got a televangelist vibe about him. He kills again, though. Paula responds with a verbal essay about longevity that sounds so good, I'm going to assume it was either written on the teleprompter or fed to her through her earpiece.
Kris draws the slot of following Adam, and does "Ain't No Sunshine." Simple song, rave reviews.
Top Three: Adam, Danny, Kris Bottom Three: Scott, Megan, Anoop
I've got a new gig as a national television analyst/humorist for Examiner.com. My first column is up here, so check it out when you get a chance.
Watching "Dancing With The Stars" is kind of a work-related thing for me, we talk about it on the air a lot. I've noticed right now (and the same with American Idol), there's a war of attrition clipping off the contestants who don't have a prayer of winning.
For analysis of the ones not to watch, check out the column here at Examiner.com.
Dancing With The Stars: The midseason holding pattern
With "American Idol" and "Dancing With The Stars" dominating the ratings, talent-based reality TV is an easy bet for FOX and ABC. However, this is the time of year I refer to as the "holding pattern."
The first weeks are over and the easiest eliminations have already been made. Now, there's an obvious difference in talent and popularity levels from the top to the bottom. We'll talk American Idollater on this week, but for now on DWTS, it's fairly clear who's there for the long haul. It's a month of attrition, like the slowest antelopes being picked off from the pack one by one.
For now, Gilles and Melissa can rest easy knowing they've got several weeks before the talent level catches up to them. They could do "The Running Man" on next week's show and be safe. Meanwhile, Steve Wozniak, Holly Madison, and Steve-O can only hope to not injure themselves or anyone else on their way out.
Much like a Seth Rogan movie, Steve Wozniak was fun to watch once. After that, further viewings tend to degrade your initial opinion of the product. Following the first week, I was wondering if Wozniak's connection to Apple was leading to all of the votes to keep him on the show. After two more weeks, I now assume he's kept on the show by Microsoft workers voting to make him keep dancing in hopes of lowering Apple stock prices.
Holly Madison was better than Belinda Carlisle and Denise Richards, but that's about it. Even a career in reality television and nudity isn't enough to keep her around for much longer.
And Steve-O seems so...un-Steve-O out there, I can't help but think he's ribbing us. And face it, when they first said Steve-O was injured, didn't your mind wander at the possibilities? He could have been hurt trying to dance the salsa with two small alligators clamped to his nipples. He might have been injured working on his quickstep when six half-naked friends ran out and hit him with electric cattle prods. It was almost a disappointment to find out he was just dinged up from dancing.
It's a double-elimination week, I say they lose Holly and Steve Wozniak. Steve-O still has a dedicated fanbase of 18-25 year old guys who like to staple things to each other, so I think that keeps him in the show.
UPDATE: I went 2-2 this week, for the full recap, check out Evelyn's rundown on the double elimination at her column here. If you're a DWTS fan, subscribe to her column! She covers DWTS fulltime for the Examiner.
There's an internet list that periodically goes around listing, in great detail, the worst songs of all time. Here's the list of my personal all-time favorite awful songs.
One caveat, though. Quite often, these kind of lists just become chances to bash songs that once were popular. Nobody thinks "Ice Ice Baby" or "Achy Breaky Heart" were songs that would stand the test of time. They came, they sucked, they sold millions, they were gone, and we were all embarrassed about liking it for a little while. Don't get preachy about how bad they were when they were disposable in the first place.
For example, Hanson's "Mmm-Bop". Nobody wants to relive Hanson's three weeks of popularity, true, but that has to be one of the best pop song hooks I've ever heard. Don't hate something just because it's popular. Unless it sucks.
Here's my quick rules. No cover songs. Generally speaking, no country, rap, or anything else that's supposed to be stupid in the first place.
Reid's Worst Songs Of All Time
Elton John - "Your Song" "If I was a sculptor/but then again, no" Then why even mention it? You know, Mr. Taupin, there's something on the other end of your pencil called an eraser. And if you don't like a line, you can just erase it. Or even just scratch it out. You don't have to actually have to keep it in the final draft of the song.
Steve Miller Band - "Take The Money And Run" "Billy Mack is a detective down in Texas/You know he knows just exactly what the facts is/He ain't gonna let those two escape justice/He makes his livin' off of the people's taxes" If Billy Shakespeare had murdered rhyme schemes like Steve Miller did, every Lit class would be two weeks shorter.
Paul Simon - "50 Ways To Leave Your Lover" "Just slip out the back, Jack/Make a new plan, Stan/You don't need to be coy, Roy" I'm a big fan of Paul Simon, and I think most of this song is really well-written. But the laundry list of rhyming names just makes me cringe. Just shut the fuck up, Buck.
Wang Chung - "Everybody Have Fun Tonight" "Everybody have fun tonight/Everybody Wang Chung tonight" Not only was this song a complete turnaround from their other songs ("Dancing Days", "To Live And Die In LA"), it also breaks my #1 rock and roll rule. Don't name check your own band in one of your songs.
Def Leppard - "Let's Get Rocked" "He said mow the lawn/Walk the dog/Take out the trash/Tidy your room/Sorry dad, gotta disappear/Let's get the rock out of here" This is my rock and roll rule #2. Don't sing about being in school or your dad hassling you if you're in your thirties. This also applies to Stray Cats "She's Sexy & 17", and Extreme's "Mutha (Don't Want To Go To School Today)".
Like Steely Dan said, never go back to your old school.
Ram Jam - "Black Betty" No lyrics need to be included here. It's got harmonized guitar solos, a drum break, and the refrain "bam-a-lam." What more could you have for an over-the-top 70's song?
Huey Lewis & The News - "Walking On A Thin Line" "Taught me how to shoot to kill/A specialist with a deadly skill/A skill I needed to have to be a survivor/It's over now or so they say/Well, sometimes, it don't turn out that way/Cause your never the same when you've been under fire" Huey led the 80's with inoffensive pop music that was only occasionally ripped off by Ray Parker Jr. So why not get socially conscious once in a while, and do a song about the plight of Vietnam vets? This is the equivalent of Rage Against The Machine covering "My Humps."
Beach Boys - "Kokomo" "Aruba, Jamaica, Ooh I want to take you" Bad to start with, but after Natalie Hollowell, just creepy.
John Mayer - "Your Body Is A Wonderland" "Your body is a wonderland/Your body is a wonder aarrccg grgg gllgg hands" What? Huh? Enunciate, dammit!
Young MC - "Bust A Move" "Your best friend Harry has a brother Larry/In five days from now he's gonna marry/He's hopin' you can make it there if you can/'Cause in the ceremony you'll be the best man" This is so vague, it always throws me off. Who's getting married? Is it your best friend Harry, or is brother Larry? If it's Larry, why would you be his best man, when your best friend isn't Larry, it's his brother? And if it's Harry, why wouldn't he choose his brother Larry for his best man?
There are far far too many others to list as dishonorable mentions, but I'd love to hear your own favorites.
Week four brings us about as far away from last week's Grand Ol' Opry as possible, it's Motown Week. The celebrity chirpa is Smokey Robinson, and the tour is hosted by Berry Gordy. How much music biz power does Berry Gordy have? He even got his son Rockwell a top 10 hit.
Matt starts us off with "Let's Get It On." He oversings it a bit, which is probably going to be a common thread here. Soul and R&B songs are easy to step over the line with. The judges love him. However, when I'm President, performing a Marvin Gaye song while wearing a tie and sweater will be cause for detention and public flogging.
Kris does "How Sweet It Is." Not bad, but not outstanding either. That's too close to the James Taylor version, and not enough Motown. Judges loved it, though.
After criticism of his always-at-the-piano style last week, Scott responds by...sitting at the piano and doing "You Can't Hurry Love," complete with backup singers. It was uptempo at least, but even then his voice just isn't picking up any urgency. He still sounds like a lounge singer, which is pretty much what he admits he is and will be once this is all over. I don't think he lasts much longer, but he could still have a career once he's beyond Idol.
Megan continued her string of weird performances with "For Once In My Life." I still don't get her. I understand the tattooed appeal, but the singing is just...peculiar. She alternates between growling out the lyrics and random out-of-place vocal runs that make her sound like an inked-up Sweeney Sister.
Anoopdid "Ooo Baby Baby." Smokey Robinson said he wouldn't change a thing in his performance, since of course Smokey gets paid everytimeAnoop sings his song. Busting out a song with a prominent falsetto part on national TV in front of the guy who made it a classic takes cajonesgrande, and he did it well.
Jasper's Michael Sarver didn't get to go to Motown because of illness, but he still tees off on "Ain't Too Proud To Beg." He's got a good voice, but he comes off as a guy just oversinging to hear himself sing. He sounds like Garth Brooks when he does a cover song and just sings all over it. The judges hammer him pretty hard.
Lil Rounds did "Heatwave," which would seem to be right in her wheelhouse. However, she falls into the trap of oversinging. Nobody likes it but Paula, which is like no one liking your acting but James Lipton.
Up next, it's emo Adam who's had a makeover. He no longer looks like the singer for "Panic! At My Chemical Fallout Boy." Now, he's like a young, well-dressed Lou Diamond Phillips. Captain Emo breaks out the falsetto for "Tracks Of My Tears," which draws a standing ovation from Smokey. A very Sonia Dada performance, if you don't know what I'm talking about, hustle to Amazon and buy it. This kid's a star.
Danny does "Get Ready," one of the few stand-up-and-dance songs on the show. Smokey tells him how to handle the chorus of the song, and Danny ignores him. No one notices, since we're way behind in the show by this point.
We close the show with Allison singing "Papa Was A Rolling Stone," and Paula never touches her chair throughout the performance. She absolutely kills with this one. She's sixteen in human years perhaps, but she sings like she's been living the Blues since the Great Depression.
Top Three: Adam, Allison, Danny Bottom Three: Michael, Lil, Megan
Week three was one of those strange moments where American Idol, which doesn't create country stars (Carrie Underwood the obvious exception), makes everybody sing a country song. It makes for either a nice genre-bending performance, or a head-scratching "what was that?" moment.
To start things off, Jasper's Michael Sarver did Garth Brooks' "Ain't Going Down (Till The Sun Comes Up)." He seemed like he was having fun with it, but that's not really a great song to show any range on. It's like a forced march, a country version of "It's The End of the World as We Know It (and I Feel Fine)." There's too many words to be serious.
Up next was Allison, who did whatever the name of that Patty Loveless song is. You know, "Blame It On Your Lyin' Cheatin' Twelve-Sandwich-Eatin' Beatin' Bleepin' Cheatin' Stealin' Heart," or whatever it's called. Nice growl with this one, but you just know she's waiting for a Heart night, or Alanis Morissette to show up as a mentor.
Kris performed "To Make You Feel My Love," which is definitely not a country song. Nice job, but just because you can find a version of it recorded by Garth Brooks doesn't put it center stage at the Opry. It was written by Bob Dylan, for crying out loud.
Lil Rounds admitted the only country songs she knew were from movies, then did Martina McBride's "Independence Day." This is one of the dichotomies of the AI format, singers are forced into formats and cover songs they'd never do, and if they make it big, will never do. R&B singers don't do a whole lot of country tunes. If she had a record deal and wanted to cover a Martina McBride song, her manager would tell she'd gone "Whitney and Bobby crazy."
For the unintentional comedy segment, Adam did "Ring Of Fire," but not in a way anyone who's ever heard the song would recognize. It was a good job, but roughly as country as, well a guy with emo hair and nail polish. Halfway during the performance, right about the point where Johnny Cash's casket began to spin, I realized that Adam's in this to be famous, and not necessarily to be the next American Idol. And good for him on that note.
We had our second McBride sighting, as Scott did "Wild Angels." The song was fine, but led us into a catfight between Simon and Paula about whether or not the blind guy should have a place to sit. Fascinating.
Ryan Seacrest said that Alexis had been compared to Dolly Parton before her performance of "Jolene." I'd love to hear in what possible way that comparison is made.
Danny showed he had by guts not only by usurping Carrie Underwood's "Jesus, Take The Wheel," but by doing so while wearing a jacket he apparently bought at a Color Me Badd yardsale.
Up next was a big moment for me, because for the first time ever I got to type this sentence: "Randy Travis meets Anoop." Anoop does "Always On My Mind," and nails it well enough to make us forget last week's Michael Jackson experiment.
By the way, if anyone ever mentions the phrase "Michael Jackson experiment" around you, call the authorities.
To set herself apart from the rest, Megan does Patsy Cline's "Walking After Midnight" with what appears to be a Jersey accent. We don't find out until after she finishes that she's sick with the flu and has been in the hospital. That makes a shaky performance pretty impressive.
Matt does yet another Carrie Underwood song. He really seems more Michael Buble-y every week. His song leads Paula to complement his "authenticity," which only takes her three tries to get through.
Top Three: Anoop, Matt G, Kris Bottom Three: Lil, Megan, Scott
The band Phish staged a three-day reunion concert last weekend in Virginia, and police say they arrested 194 people and confiscated 1.2 million dollars worth of illegal drugs.
On average, that translates to each person arrested carrying more than six thousand dollars worth of drugs on them. That seems like a lot, doesn't it?
Then again, Phish is known for long songs and jams that last forever. I guess it's better to overinvest in chemicals than to be caught stone cold sober in the middle of a twenty-minute random musical excursion.
Apologies to all, I've fallen down completely on posting here. I've started a new job at work that requires me do be on the air for about six and a half hours a day, so I'm pretty wiped out for now.
A friend sent me this, and since Watchmen opened this weekend, I had to post it. YOu know how rarely I ever link to something, but this one is totally worth it.
Watchmen...the Saturday morning cartoon.
It'll only be funny if you've read the book or seen the movie, but still, sheer brilliance.
This week is kind of a wild card, with no discernible theme to the show. The Idols pick a song, any song, and perform. This week is a good opportunity for each performer to show us they understand what their strengths are. 
With "American Idol" and "
