Ready, Set, Panic
In a remarkable display of quiet panic, Secretary of Health and Human Services Michael Leavitt recommended that Americans start storing canned tuna and powdered milk under their beds as the prospect of a deadly bird flu outbreak approaches the United States.
Wonderful. Way to plan ahead, guys. Now I have to move all of the duct tape and plastic sheeting out from under my bed, and put in a little pantry for the tuna and milk. And why tuna and milk? It sounds like Leavitt has just invested his pension in Tuna Helper, and wants to make a couple quick bucks off germophobic panic. Either that, or once society falls to the Bird Flu, we'll use our well-hidden bounty to trap cats to eat.
Is that it? In the New World Order, will we use cats as currency? Life will be centered around the kitty, apparently. Will the ruling class elite be the people who had the forethought to invest in catnip and chew toys, and who can afford to pay a hundred Calicos for a new automobile?
What else? Why not tell us all to stock pile potted meat and rice, and keep it in our pillows? Get as much spam as you can, and put it with refried beans, and bury it in a tupperware container in your back yard.
As for me, I'll have a good time with all of the pickled pigs feet and canned lemonade powder I've been storing under my refrigerator for just such an emergency.
5 Comments:
Wassup Reid???? This world is trully becoming more retarded every day. The other night on AM 1200 they had some talk show where the host was "supposedly reincarnated and from the 22nd Century." I wanted to completely laugh when I started trying to see what the crap he was trying to convey. He was taking calls "from the "present day for us in the 21st Century." And these retards actually sounded as if they were asking what things were like in the future, how things work out for us, and all sorts of idiotic stuff. I could not believe that these retards actually somehow bought into this crap. I know that these type of conspiracy theorist were out there, but dang....
More evidence that our fearless leaders have their heads firmly up their a$$es. The less I read the news, the happier I am.
"we'll use our well-hidden bounty to trap cats to eat."
Um, LMAO, eeeeeeewwww, and NO way.
Thanks, guys. AFAg, I LOVE conspiracy guys. As a fiction writer, I really enjoy hearing them tie the book of Revelations in with black helicopters and OPEC and the ghost of Ray Charles. It makes me wish I could write stuff that random.
I'm with you, Christine. You never see a good story anymore where you go, "Okay, that makes sense. It seems like we were ahead of the curve on that one."
And Jac, if you don't want to share in our feast of kitties, taht'll be fine. More for the rest of us. Once society falls, we'll all be enjoying my Siamese Surprise, feel free to join us. Not sure if red or white wine goes with cat, better bring a bottle of both.
lol, I hear white is better with *meow*cat*meow* - it tastes just like chicken ;)
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