There's a store in Dallas called "Condoms To Go". Of course they are. You're not going to use them there, are you?
McDonalds is now having the "McRib Farewell Tour". I knew the FDA would eventually catch up with them.
After working in news for three years, I am convinced that there are two phrases that signal you are about to see a really awful, horrible story. They are "common-law wife," and "experimental aircraft". If you hear those, pull up at the TV and watch. It'll be spectacular.
I was at a concert last weekend, and the band implored us to hold up our cell phones in tribute to the music at one point. As I watched 20,000 people all hold their phones alight, I remembered the days when fans would hoist joints and lighters. Now, we hold cell phones. Then, we were getting high and rebelling against authority. Now, we're just waiting for nine so we can use our free night and weekend minutes to call our buddies and talk on the phone during the concert.
I believe laughter should be the basis of every romantic relationship. Just not at the point of insertion.