Reviews: Live Free Or Die Hard
Live Free Or Die Hard Just freakin' die already.
This column probably contains some spoilers. So does the movie, as there ain't a whole lot of surprises for anyone who's seen any of the other movies, ever watched an action flick, or has a frontal lobe. The trailers for this movie seemed like it was going to be a special effects movie and not too heavy on the plot. Unfortunately, this movie was exactly what I was afraid it was going to be. This is more "Die Hard 2" than "Die Hard."
Action movies require a certain suspension of disbelief. LFoDH demands it from the opening scene, beats you over the head with it by the second act, and by the time the big truck is deftly dodging missles on the freeway, you're so numb from resisting reality it all makes sense. I haven't suspended this much disbelief since I convinced myself I could still pull off wearing tight jeans.
This movie begins with a simple terrorist premise that if you're trying to get rid of somebody that has some information you don't want revealed, it's easier to blow up an entire building than just to kill them with a gun, knife, bolo, katana, or anything else. It expands that later on to include helicopters, jet fighters, exploding gas plants, and acrobat terrorists.
It's like a live action comic book, but not a good one. It wouldn't be a good comic with both action and plot they could actually make a good movie out of. It's not an "X-Men," it's that horrible first Punisher movie with Dolph Lundgren.
(You haven't seen that one? Damn good reason for it, I think Marvel Comics bought and destroyed all the copies. Hilarious if you can find it.)
Anyway, Bruce Willis, head shaved and looking like a thinner Vic Mackie, is absolutely indestructible. Shoot him, drop him off a building, throw him out of a moving car, nothing slows him down.
Actors act badly. Stuff blows up. Characters know things they couldn't possibly know. More stuff blows up. People get all over the Eastern seaboard in spite of massive traffic problems being one of the plot points. Kevin Smith is funny in a deus ex machina cameo. The good guys do as much property damage as the bad guys. The hero stumbles into the climax, where he swipes the ending from Frank Miller's Ronin. Everyone jokes. Roll credits.
Too much. Just too much. Turn your brain off for that long, and serious damage may occur. It brings to mind my favorite review ever, from Bloom County.
"(This film) has brought the word 'BAD' to new levels of badness. Bad acting. Bad effects. Bad everything. This film just oozed rottenness from every bad scene...Simply bad beyond all infinite dimensions of possible badness."
"Well maybe not that bad, but Lord, it wasn't good."
One out of five exploding buildings.
This column probably contains some spoilers. So does the movie, as there ain't a whole lot of surprises for anyone who's seen any of the other movies, ever watched an action flick, or has a frontal lobe. The trailers for this movie seemed like it was going to be a special effects movie and not too heavy on the plot. Unfortunately, this movie was exactly what I was afraid it was going to be. This is more "Die Hard 2" than "Die Hard."
Action movies require a certain suspension of disbelief. LFoDH demands it from the opening scene, beats you over the head with it by the second act, and by the time the big truck is deftly dodging missles on the freeway, you're so numb from resisting reality it all makes sense. I haven't suspended this much disbelief since I convinced myself I could still pull off wearing tight jeans.
This movie begins with a simple terrorist premise that if you're trying to get rid of somebody that has some information you don't want revealed, it's easier to blow up an entire building than just to kill them with a gun, knife, bolo, katana, or anything else. It expands that later on to include helicopters, jet fighters, exploding gas plants, and acrobat terrorists.
It's like a live action comic book, but not a good one. It wouldn't be a good comic with both action and plot they could actually make a good movie out of. It's not an "X-Men," it's that horrible first Punisher movie with Dolph Lundgren.
(You haven't seen that one? Damn good reason for it, I think Marvel Comics bought and destroyed all the copies. Hilarious if you can find it.)
Anyway, Bruce Willis, head shaved and looking like a thinner Vic Mackie, is absolutely indestructible. Shoot him, drop him off a building, throw him out of a moving car, nothing slows him down.
Actors act badly. Stuff blows up. Characters know things they couldn't possibly know. More stuff blows up. People get all over the Eastern seaboard in spite of massive traffic problems being one of the plot points. Kevin Smith is funny in a deus ex machina cameo. The good guys do as much property damage as the bad guys. The hero stumbles into the climax, where he swipes the ending from Frank Miller's Ronin. Everyone jokes. Roll credits.
Too much. Just too much. Turn your brain off for that long, and serious damage may occur. It brings to mind my favorite review ever, from Bloom County.
"(This film) has brought the word 'BAD' to new levels of badness. Bad acting. Bad effects. Bad everything. This film just oozed rottenness from every bad scene...Simply bad beyond all infinite dimensions of possible badness."
"Well maybe not that bad, but Lord, it wasn't good."
One out of five exploding buildings.
3 Comments:
You've convinced me, Reid! That was one bad movie!
yay for someone who watches all the bad movies so I don't have to!
But they explode right? So count me in! :)
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