Smoothie Operator
Forgive me, friends, I have fallen prey to peer pressure. Long having been a staunch advocate of the dark, bubbly, carbonated beverages, I succumbed to temptation and bought for the first time, a "fruit smoothie."
A guy from work was going to pick up some for everybody else, so I said sure, I'll try one. I had no idea what to order, so I just said "whatever you guys are having."
He returned with 40 ounces of an alleged beverage with some strange name that implied health and energy, like "Big Range Extremejello" or "PowerPunchPummelPants" or something.
To begin with, it's not exactly a beverage. It's neither solid nor liquid, closer to some form of plasma. I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to expel this matter from my body.
The taste was hard to describe, it seemed to be made up of every fruit imaginable mixed in random amounts. Then, add bark, leaves, shell, stem, and roots, and you've got health, my friend. It tasted like I was trying to drink 40 ounces of rain forest.
The first taste was quizzical, and unpleasant. It got slightly better as I tried again and again, pausing only to chew back another mouthful, and examine my mouth for the leftover pieces of debris.
So I drank more than my share, only to open the lid and find out I had finished about a third of it. The final part of the smoothie I used later to mortar some bricks in a retaining wall I'm building.
I know everybody else in the world loves these things, I just don't get it. Anytime I pay eight dollars for a drink, I don't expect it to have bits of bark and leaves in it, and I imagine it would at least taste pleasant. I need some bubbles in my beverage. A friend of mine loves them, she says she drinks them instead of meals sometimes. I can only assume that's because by the time you finish chewing down this smoothie, you've finished a drink, a meal, and a workout.
Next time, I'll just drink a 40 ounce of paint, it's cheaper, and actually smoother.
5 Comments:
Dammit! I was planning to regift you a slightly used Smoothie maker, for your birthday, that a so-called "friend" got me for MY birthday last year.
Hmmmm....how bout a Snoopy Snow Cone Machine instead?!!!
I don't care what anyone says, you should never have to suck chunks through a straw and then swallow!
I have to say the bark and leaves in your smootie ARE good for you though! At least you had the good tasting one! Jarrett's was gross... and btw, i read your "At The Movies" blog and i have to say, there are girls in this world who like the "guy" movies better than the "girl" movies!!! AHEM!
Zero, I have a strict policy against accepting anything "-Maker" as a gift. I have semi-useless bread, ice cream, Icee, and Sno-cone makers collecting dust in the pantry right now.
I, I'm against sucking chunks in any way shape or form, to tell you the truth.
And CH25, until Outback Cheese Fries come with little bits of tree bark instead of bacon, I'll stay away from the roughage.
When Jody (Big Dump Truck), Robin (30 Days of DO), Butterstar (can't catch my breath: butterstar) and, of course, me (Overthink girl) went to the mall together, Jody bought us all Orange Juliuses. I had some sort of echinacea added to mine as an immunity booster. A few weeks later, I got a bad cold. Really bad. Didn't work, although the OJ was really good.
Yeah, when you get married, you get lots of fairly useless house stuff, including all sorts of "makers." I have an ice cream maker and pasta maker down my basement, completely unopened. My MIL bought us a hot latte maker, which we actually used (it heated the milk, etc. and foamed it up nice), but one day, after dumping all my ingredients in there, it just...stopped working. As my husband says, appliances that only do one thing take up way too much space.
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