Reid About It

Well, we've officially reached the point where those ceremonial ribbons everyone puts on their cars have become so commonplace as to be ignored. Give it up, people. Get a new thing. The support ribbon has become the 00's equivalent of the "Baby On Board" sign. There's one available to show you back any cause, from troops to breast cancer to Larry the Inbred Cable Guy.

To begin with, I can only vaguely remember now that in the days after the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, people actually went out and bought flags, and red, white, and blue ribbons, and tied them to their cars. It was a nice gesture of support, although many of them would leave the flags up way past the point of respect, and well into negligience.

"These Colors Don't Run!" Well, actually, they do, ma'am. If you buy a $3 flag and tie it on your car, then drive it around in the hot sun at 70 miles per hour for a year and a half without changing it out, the colors will run like heck. Your show of support will eventually look like an old handkerchief.

Well, that rallying point quickly became a merchandizing gimmick. Suddenly, ceremonial ribbons were available everywhere, bringing stick-on patriotism to people who were too busy to tie a knot around their radio antennas.

Really, what these people with magnetic ribbons all over their cars are saying is, "I love my country enough to plop down $3 at a gas station. Anything I can do without having to drive to a store and buy three different colors of ribbon, cause baby, I don't have time for that. That time it takes to loop that thread around my antenna? I need that time to talk on my cell phone and complain about gas prices."

Easy question. If you buy a magnetic ribbon from the Kwik-E-Mart from a cashier who is Middle Eastern, do you understand the celestial irony?