I love the TV show 24, but every week Jack Bauer causes more deaths of innocent people than OJ and Robert Blake combined. Cops, CTU agents, bystanders, security guards, nobody is safe.
I love Sue Grafton's writing, if only because at some point, she'll have to write books where people are murdered with xylophones, yarmulkes, and zithers. I really look forward to that.
I love that we're living in a society where the phrase "well-respected actor" has come to mean anyone who is not currently appearing on an infomercial.
I love you can now buy AC/DC and Motley Crue t-shirts at Sears. Things that were once associated with Satan and pure evil are now part of the mass consumer culture. Everything we survive becomes a part of pop culture. Woodstock. Watergate. The Vietnam War. I fully expect to see kids wearing t-shirts with the World Trade Center towers within twenty years.
I love when I drive by a gym, and the parking lot is full, because I know all those people drove to the health club to walk on the treadmills. I like my irony thick enough to build a house on sometimes.
I love that the youth of America have taken it on themselves to use their cell phones to provide constant, ongoing play-by-play of their lives. "Yeah, I'm just getting out of class. You too? I'm walking across the quad now. Yeah. Just walking to my car. Now I'm there. I'm going to see what's on the radio. Yeah, me too." God forbid they actually look around, rather than neglect their duties of mumbling the minutiae of their lives to their friends.
I love when older women feel the need to poison themselves with Bo-Tox, because I think people are never more attractive than when they walk around looking perpetually surprised.
I love to go to Wal-Mart late at night and play my favorite game, "Trolling". It works best with a friend of the opposite sex, you go to Wal-Mart at night, the later the better. Then you walk the store, trying to find someone that you would sleep with. The rules are simple, it has to be someone you'd have sex with willingly, not a closing time beer-goggle hookup, and they have to be someone you'd admit to being with later to your friends. Many nights, I'll go completely snake-eyes, wandering the aisles until blind like a sexual Diogenes.
I love when Hollywood celebrities tell me they're scientologists, because then I know to never listen seriously to another single word they say. I can automatically downgrade them a few notches on my personal Wonderlic test.
Finally, you know what I love? You know that Barry Manilow song "I Write the Songs"? He didn't write that.
Yep, Jack Bauer pretty much has the “sorry about your luck” attitude concerning the welfare of others. The episode where he brought in the LAPD, which will hereto be referred to as “cannon fodder”, freaked me out! And then he got the poor bank manager shot! Why not leave him in the vault or something? Jeez! But don’t get me wrong… I love Jack. (I especially loved it when he shot Jobeth Williams in the leg. That was hilarious.)
The gym… okay, worse than the parking lot full of cars… the people circling the lot for a closer parking space. Well, it’s not like I’ve ever done that, because that would mean I was actually AT the gym.
I wanna play the Wal-mart game! Do you have to have sex inside the building, or is the parking lot acceptable?
Okay, how much does it suck that Jason Lee is a scientologist?!
And finally, Barry Manilow…. That really made me laugh, and honestly, it made me feel a bit better about Barry, as a person. I recently heard that song and I thought, “Damn, that’s egotistical as hell!”
6 Comments:
Yep, Jack Bauer pretty much has the “sorry about your luck” attitude concerning the welfare of others. The episode where he brought in the LAPD, which will hereto be referred to as “cannon fodder”, freaked me out! And then he got the poor bank manager shot! Why not leave him in the vault or something? Jeez! But don’t get me wrong… I love Jack. (I especially loved it when he shot Jobeth Williams in the leg. That was hilarious.)
The gym… okay, worse than the parking lot full of cars… the people circling the lot for a closer parking space. Well, it’s not like I’ve ever done that, because that would mean I was actually AT the gym.
I wanna play the Wal-mart game! Do you have to have sex inside the building, or is the parking lot acceptable?
Okay, how much does it suck that Jason Lee is a scientologist?!
And finally, Barry Manilow…. That really made me laugh, and honestly, it made me feel a bit better about Barry, as a person. I recently heard that song and I thought, “Damn, that’s egotistical as hell!”
You are not ever allowed to have sex in a Wal-Mart, due to obvious reasons of the health code. You'd catch the Sam's Choice version of an STD.
Me personally? Or is that just a warning issued by the Surgeon General for the general population?
I love it when people almost get in wrecks from talking on their cell phones in their cars.
Unless I'm involved... then it sucks immensely.
So who wrote "I Write the Songs"???
-- P
"I Write The Songs" was written by Bruce Johnston, who was sort of a Beach Boy.
Post a Comment
Links to this post:
Create a Link
<< Home