Homeland Hijinks
Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff said this week we should all continue to stay worried about a terrorist
attack because of a "gut feeling" he had.To be fair, that's not exactly what he said. If you'll go back and read his original comments, what he said was "My spidey-sense is tingling!"
Reacting with his "gut" over terrorist attacks? Chertoff may think he's some kind of amalgam of Columbo, Mickey Spillane, and Chuck Norris, but the American people need a bit more evidence to go on, don't you think? There's a reason Miss Cleo wasn't named director of Homeland Security. Perhaps his "gut" is merely reacting to a lunch of fajitas and gin.
Why open yourself up to ridicule by publicly calling on the magic powers of your "gut"? Why not just say "My big toe is itchy. That either means terrorist activity, or company's coming for dinner." Be cool, man. Pull a Han Solo and just say ominously, "I got a bad feeling about this."
Why not just make something up? You know, fill out one of those thousand-word documents that everybody comments on and nobody reads, like the Iraq Report or a Robin Williams movie script.
Just don't come out and admit you don't have any evidence. We kind of depend on you to have actual knowledge of what's going on, or at least to pretend that you do. Any layman can have hunches.
You know, like that nagging feeling I have that we're totally fucked.
4 Comments:
The only thing my gut ever tells me is when it's time to find a bathroom.
Have you ever noticed that Chertoff looks like that guy whose face melts off in Raiders of the Lost Ark, or the faceless man in that painting The Sceam?
Something to think about . . .
--P
As a nurse I have to elaborate on your blog. If your gut is giving you any kind of feeling at all, of course, other than the regular one after eating a meal, you should probably see a gastroenterologist. I am opposed to some high falutant freak at homeland security having a "feeling" or an increased awareness of their spidey sense instead of his education and training on a bunch of terrorists and their picnic plans or summer vacation plans on American Soil.
Great post Reid.
Reminds me of the time I saw Rumsfeld at dinner one night while in a little town called Taos. He remarked that he had been watching 24 since the first episode and had been a fan ever since!
I feel about as safe as a sweet, big breasted chicken in the hands of the Colonel at KFC.
Yours in words,
Me
Personally, I'm just glad we're fighting them over there so we don't have to fight them over...um, wait.
Never mind.
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