I don't usually just throw out links to weird stuff on the web, since there are quite a few other resources for that kind of amusement. This one, however, was good enough that I figured everybody stuck at work today could use it to seem busy on New Year's Eve.
For those of you who've always wanted to crash Led Zeppelin logos into your favorite webpage, knock yourselves out.
The new Popcast is up, seven minutes of things like the best way to return things to Wal-Mart, and the family tradition of purchasing things after Christmas and then losing them.
Oh, and Mischa Barton. Lots of her, and how she's segued smoothly from "The OC" to "COPS." A mugshot that white-trashy cannot go without notice.
I think I may have gotten too caught up in the frenzy of returning things today. I tried to return three shirts, two sets of sweatpants, a videogame, and a bag of groceries.
Just to complete my thought earlier about not know why Jessica Simpson was famous, the numbers are bearing me out, here. Her new movie opened at eight Texas locations on Friday, and pulled in a whopping $48 bucks a theatre.
Forty-eight dollars. In her home state. With Luke Wilson as the male lead.
The new Popcast is up, a short four minute happy holiday wish for everybody. Today I explain why my own personal war on Christmas comes from pure laziness, why bad tattoos don't necessarily prevent you from getting employed, and to what lengths I'll go to wish everyone well at Christmas time.
After she showed up at the game Sunday and watched her boyfriend lose, Jessica Simpson is now persona non gratawith the Dallas Cowboys.
After quarterback Tony Romo stunk up the joint with Jessica watching, receiver Terrell Owens jokingly said this week that "Right now, Jessica Simpson is not a fan favorite — in this locker room or in Texas Stadium."
Well said, TO. However, I have one quibble. It's a given that Simpson isn't a fan favorite in Texas Stadium, but where exactly is she a fan favorite?
She's famous, sure. Can anybody tell me why? She sings, but not in an outstanding way. She pretty, but she's probably not in the top 10% of NFL player's girlfriends, or even of women in some sections of Dallas. She's sort of an actor, if you count that last movie she did that went straight to DVD, VHS, and Beta.
It's not like Romo is dating Angelina Jolie, or Madonna in the late 80's. Jessica is more of a latter-day Susanna Hoffs.
Yeah, that's probably a good idea. With her sixteen year-old knocked up and her older daughter turning into a walking STD, mayhap they should just table that literary endeavor until one of them learns to go more than six weeks without getting pregnant, or arrested, or going barefoot in a gas station toilet.
Also delayed for Christmas release, "The Care And Training Of Sporting Dogs," by Michael Vick; "My Next 10,000 Women," by Gene Simmons; and "Fifty Secrets To A Long, Happy Marriage," by Pam Anderson.
The new Popcast is up, five minutes of things I like this time of the year. All your holiday favorites are there, from Festivus to holiday lights, to DVRing Jessica Biel's rear end walking by for a solid half hour.
At great personal expense and physical danger, I've finished most of my Christmas shopping. Because of work and other things, Christmas with my family will be taking place a week from today. There's no better way to ramp up the blind holiday panic than by setting an early deadline, so today, we spent about nineteen hours and eleven thousand dollars to get everything done.
Anyway, now we're all done. We can relax, which is good because my legs feel like I've been pulling a sleigh for eight hours. Three of the last places I stopped to shop were Wal-Mart, Dollar Tree, and Big Lots. By the time I got home, my hands were so dirty I washed them before I went to the bathroom.
Anyway, we capped off the evening sitting resting our tired feet and honoring the tradition of watching Christmas Vacation. Still funny, every year. It's reached Rocky Horror Picture Show status around here, with every funny line recited in stereo.
Idle question, how do you feel about giving lottery tickets as Christmas gifts? In one way, you might be giving somebody something really nice, but chances are, you're just giving them garbage.
To me, it says "Here. I've gone on the assumption that since I was only planning on spending a dollar on you, you wouldn't mind gambling with it."
Why not just give somebody betting slips? "Here, Aunt Delores. I've put ten bucks on the Colts to cover in your name. Good luck with Eli Manning."
The new Popcast is up, nine minutes of holiday music memories and burning questions. Has anyone ever finished the Twelve Days of Christmas? Will there be snow in Africa this Christmastime? Does catching Mommy kissing Santa Claus scar a kid for life? And will someone bring us some figgy pudding, or do we have to start tearing this place up?
If you only listen to one PopCast this year, let it be this one.
To begin with, we're really stretching the word "star" here. I wouldn't know this guy if I found him in my dumpster. I googled him, and I still don't understand why this guy is notable in any way. I found a picture of him online that may or may not be him attempting to committ suicide, apparently.
I love it when semi-notable people tell us how their lives have been affected by how their massive illegal screw-ups, and they've changed in spite of getting off with light sentences because of their fame. You always hear about one of these people getting in trouble and then immediately turning their lives around, and becoming a good citizen for the rest of their lives.
So often, they use that second chance like George Bailey, don't they?
