Romance, Porn, & The Great Divide
Why aren't we happy in our relationships anymore? Why is the divorce rate so high?
I blame the modern day unrealistic expectations, myself.
My long-standing theory has been that as bad as pornography is for men and their expectations of adult relationships, romantic comedies and romance novels are worse for women. Both create an image of the way things should be in a relationship, and both are almost completely false.
Quick example. I love the commercial where the guy on a bus sees a pretty girl riding another bus, then jumps out of his bus to try and meet her, only to find out she has also gotten off to meet him. Wonderful. Now, two total strangers with nothing in common but superficial attraction have derailed their days and gotten abandoned at a city intersection in hopes of finding something to talk about with a pretty person.
Her: "Hi there. I was on my way to a pro-choice rally, and had to stop to talk to you."
Him: "Hey you. I'm an abortion clinic bomber. Wanna grab a coffee?"
There was a movie out a few years ago with Diane Lane and John Cusack as two people who couldn't find anyone to go out with, and wound up together. Think of the special effects it would take to make you believe that Diane Lane and John Cusack would be sitting around their houses on Saturday night playing Scrabble because they have trouble finding dates.
Reality For Guys:
-- The pizza delivery girl is not going to let you tip her with hot loving.
-- In the hospital, "head nurse" is a title awarded solely on seniority and nursing skill.
-- When your girlfriend invites a friend over to the house, you are the only one in the house thinking what you're thinking.
-- Real-life lesbians do not wear lingerie. They wear loose-fitting flannel to sleep in. And they don't care at all that you'd love to see them make out, don't even bother to ask.
Reality For Women:
-- Pirates were not nice guys. They had leathery skin and smelled of fish constantly.
-- Castles were dark, damp places that permanently smelled of old food and piss. And I'll tell you right now, British people and proper dental care go together like fish and deserts. Any fantasy you have of being taken by the Lord of a Manor, downgrade immediately.
-- A guy who loves you enough to stand at the end of your driveway with a radio over his head, blaring your song at 3am, is not a sweet, lovable imp. He's a stalker, and the next step is him breaking into your house and boiling your bunny.
-- For that matter, whenever you see something in a movie that tugs at your heartstrings and makes you think "I wish I had someone like that," stop a moment. If the guy doing the sweet thing didn't look like John Cusack, and looked more like Andy Dick, would it still be something desireable?
9 Comments:
Are you trying to tell me that Cinderella's prince looked like Prince Charles? Please don't take my fantasies away from me!teeni
Keep that damned armadillo the hell away from me because I'm not getting leprosy again.
Heh. Your "Reality for Guys" reminded me of the Friends episode where Chandler and Joey were watching porn 24/7.
"The pizza delivery girl was just here and she didn't even ask to see the bedroom!"
Porn...chick flicks... neither of them are reality, but I happen to think that there is a happy medium. :)
If he looks like Andy Dick, yet still acts like John Cusack, then yeah. I'm totally fine with that.
If he looks like Andy Dick AND acts like Andy Dick, then I am calling the cops.
Heh. "Andy Dick... what a FRUITY bastard!"
Anyone that isn't a fan of Andy Dick (and let's face it, who IS a fan of Andy Dick?) should watch the Pamela Anderson Roast on Comedy Central. Andy is one of the roasters, but he gets roasted WAY more than Pamela.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9tQ7rxwuUsM (This is the censored version, but don't watch if you're easily offended. And if you're easily offended, Reid's blog is prolly the wrong place for you anyway! haha)
Too funny and true! But I have to believe there is a moment for all of us, two if you're lucky, where fantasy does become reality and the guy serenading you is the one you've always dreamed of.
Well, I built all my expectations from Disney movies. So I'm looking for a cross between the Little Mermaid's Eric (good looks), Aladdin (a rollicking good time), and the Beast (so soulful). Preferably with a kingdom and an enormous bank account at his disposal.
Let me know if you find such a person, will ya?
At the end of a love scene I'd written, this female editor wrote a cooment in the margin of my manuscript.
"Rarely do men write sensous love scnes this well. You most be a romantic guy to live with."
My wife has yet to stop laughing. Jsut goes to show you reality never leives up to fiction, regardless of the genre. The key is to give your target audiens what they want.
The HEAD nurse along with some good ole bah chickie bah bah music, or a scalawag of a pirate who adores eyeliner and one-liners.
But cowboys really are sensitive, romantic and freshly showered, aren't they?
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