Reid About It

Here's your trivia snippets for this week, fair warning, I was in a New Wave sort of mood. Five small snippets from songs from the 80's, all five were singles, can you name them?


Send your guesses to snowfire51@gmail.com. I'll post the winners next Tuesday. Make me proud, you guys. Have a good weekend.

Dustin Diamond, "Screech" from "Saved By The Bell," has his own sex tape. In this tape, he has sex with two women and performs an act so disgusting, I don't even want to mention it. Look it up. Then Wikipedia it.

I want to stress that I am just giving you the rundown on the tape from the descriptions. I have not seen this tape. I will never see this tape. If I ever accidentally see it, you guys will know because I will paint the walls with my own brains.

Anyway, I blame womankind for this one. Yes, you ladies out there. What the Hell kind of women would double up on Screech, fifteen years after it would even be relevant? My God, he was the third male lead on a teen comedy. It's not even like you're giving up the nasty on camera to one of the Cory's, or Webster, or Dave Coulier.

Don't blame Screech. It takes two to tango. And sometimes three.

We start with Sean confessing to Christian about boinking the babysitter, and feeling sorry about it. Christian deletes the babysitter's number from Sean's phone, and tells him that unlike Sean, he can resist temptation. Then, Sean is shown with Michelle being completely unable to resist temptation. That's irony, kids.

Julia is having trouble breast feeding, and her coach upsets her. At least Sean won't sleep with the lactation coach. Julia is upset, and admits she's having post-partum depression. Tom Cruise would disagree, wonder if sudden Scientologist Matt will take that crusade?

Ouch! We have our first missing nipple of the year, as Melissa Gilbert takes one for the team. For possibly the first time ever, we have a former head of the Screen Actors Guild doing a partial nude scene. Thank God this didn't happen when Ed Asner was in charge.

Christian goes with Liz to a lesbian bar, which to him is like window shopping at a store that will never open. Liz winds up with a 10, in something that's so out of the ordinary it has to be a setup. Yep, she wakes up alone with a kidney stolen.

A kidney stolen? You're kidding me. One of the oldest urban legends comes to life, and we get a bad guy for this year's show. What next? A gang of people who dry off their poodles in the microwave, and then give away Neiman-Marcus' cookie recipes?

Jacqueline Bisset makes an appearance, and it seems that Michelle is/was a call girl. And Bisset displays a mean temper, caving in the side of one of her girls' faces.

Christian and Michelle perform surgery on the callgirl, with serious overtones of passion. It really seems this season as if they've run out of ways to make sex sexy, and now are just making in weird.

Sean fires Marlo, and implies he is upset because he doesn't get women. Then the midget runs down his blackbook, and puts Sean to shame. He's nailing ballet dancers, and Sean is boinking babysitters. Midget 1, Sean 0.

While Christian is in with Mrs. Ripnipple, her husband comes in. He lets the moment breathe for just long enough before he drops the bomb, and reveals his wife was using peanut butter to be amorous with the dog. I'm not saying they're running out of ideas on this show, but that's two urban legends in less than an hour. Perhaps Liz will be comforted when she gets a big paycheck from Bill Gates for forwarding an email, but then be killed when she flashes her highbeams at gang members driving by with their lights out.

Sean finds prescriptions in Julia's purse, which apparently gives him free reign to go after the babysitter again. He eats a hash brownie and hallucinates Hell, complete with the bad guy from the first season, and a soundtrack by Animotion. He summons his inner strength, and is able to leave without sleeping with the babysitter. However, he's still weak enough to drive home all high. Hope he doesn't get stopped, the police won't accept his lesser-of-two-evils apology.

Christian finally gets the truth out of Michelle. And sleeps with her. Good enough to keep the plot going, I guess.

Only three people got all five this week, it seems #1 (late 80's rap) and #3 (mid 80's girl-group) baffled quite a few people. Congrats to Todd in Texas, Whit in Florida, and Kimberly in Ohio for their mighty 80's knowledge. The answers were...


More trivia coming up Friday!

The recap reminds us of certain things from last season we'll need to know. Note that Alfre Woodard's family and aborted major plotline does not appear.

Man, Kyle MacLachlan being in a show just ratchets up the creepy level by a factor of a thousand. If his parrot is to be believed, he killed his previous wife. And the bird.

We get the rundown again, with everybody's highlights from last season brought up to date. Nicollete Sheridan's Edie is out in the rain, in spite of the fact that she doesn't look like she should be hanging out in the rain. No telling what water would do to that space-age polymer that Sheridan's made of.

Lynette and Tom begin their struggles with the baby momma. This plotline is a bit obvious, hopefully they'll swerve us with it.

Gaby threatens Xiao-Mei with deporting her after the baby is born. Judging from the small amount of information I have about Mother's rights, I don't think that's a good idea.

Mike is now in a coma, and Susan is shaving his face, leaving cuts and nicks everywhere. I'd think a hospital that's had to treat her for several dangerous clumsiness-related injuries would want to keep the sharp objects away from her.

And finishing the round-up, Bree agrees to marry Orson. Let's see, in just over two years, she's chosen as her romantic partners a guy who paid a prostitute to beat him, a psychopathic murdering momma's boy pharmacist, a guy who screwed her son, and a crazy prison dentist. That's not exactly a list submitted for Emmy consideration.

Susan gets hit on by a British guy in the hospital with his wife in a coma. Then, she spills a Smoothie on his nearly-dead wife. Nice to see they're evolving her character.

Lynette's party spills over into the street as Edie is showing a house. Her clients say they're looking for somewhere "quiet." Not to make too much of this, but somewhere around a dozen people have died on that street in two years. Yard men, hit men, housewives, pharmacists, everybody dies on Wysteria Lane. Might want to go somewhere else for your retirement years.

Babymomma gets crazy at missing a party. Tom smoothes it over by ticking off Lynette. This has the possibility of getting really tedious if it lasts much longer. Like another week.

Xiao-Mei has flown the coop, and Gaby has to get her back. Edie is going to have trouble selling that house. And if she's finally selling Paul's house, does that mean the Mary Alice plotline is finally over? And if so, why does she still narrate the show?

Susan is asking a coma-patient-Mike if she could go out with somebody else while he's unconscious. Strangely enough, he doesn't answer.

Bree is heavily turned on by hygiene, which leads to her getting an orgasm for the first time. Is that the thing that finally changes something about her character, which hasn't really moved since her first appearance? At her dinner party, Roseanne's sister shows up to play the role of Gladys Kravitz. She gives the warning that nobody will listen to until it's too late. Nosey neighbors on this show are too common to stand out.

And we close on yet another dead body being dug up somewhere. In season one, it was in a lake. In season two, it was the guy in the basement. Now, it's in a golf course. There's your official sense of foreboding for the rest of the year.

Here's your trivia snippets for this week, five small snippets from songs from the 80's. All five were singles, songs that had videos. Can you name them?


Send your guesses to snowfire51@gmail.com I'll post the winners next Tuesday. Make me proud, you guys. Have a good weekend.

Christian's sex tape has been linked to YouTube. Memo to self, you're never cool when you're naked, wearing a stethoscope and yelling "Touchdown!" Not that it comes up very often.

We have a Mario Lopez sighting that does absolutely nothing to squelch rumors that he's straight.

Christian runs into Matt on his way out. Matt is now a full on Scientology loon, which is also strange because the things he's saying about Christian are true. We've spent three years enjoying him, and now it's time to tear him down.

Sean drives the babysitter home in a way that makes me doublecheck to make sure I'm not watching Cinemax.

The babysitter then proceeds to examine an Oasis song like it's "American Pie." It was her prom theme. What the Hell kind of sick proms did her high school have? It's "Get Drunk & Punch Your Brother" Night at Sweet Valley High.

Yep, it's exactly as bad as you thought it would be, as Sean's plowing the babysitter. Then, in a bit of Al-Gore-related irony, he has to tell Julia his electric car ran out of gas.

Sean feels bad, and Monica appears to be crazy. He goes to fix her nose as a favor, and Christian uses his special Sexual-Spidey-Sense to determine that Sean had sex with her. Man, that's a useful power.

Liz gets fired from Christian/Troy by Michelle, who may or may not be gay. Hell, on this show, she may or may not have a penis. No telling.

We make history, with the first ever network TV mention of the term "cum gutters".

I hate to see the show fall back on the old cliche of the enlightened sensei-figure of the midget male nurse. Man, that's so overdone.

Julia gives birth to Nightcrawler. Sean and Christian weren't there for each other, for the birth of their children and the sucking of their fat.

It's morning in America, and I'm going back to bed.

There's something I don't understand about American Idol. Every year, they take 12 people with good voices, pare them down to two, and then both of them get recording contracts and are forced down our throats for years. Except for poor Justin, of course.

What the Hell happens to everybody else? Shouldn't we be seeing the runners-up playing somewhere? After that "American Idol Also-Rans On Tour", shouldn't they be finding gigs somewhere? It's been five years, and most of those people are gone already.

Shouldn't they be playing boat shows and county fairs, at least? "Come check out the new Polaris Watercraft exhibit, see the American Idol, and get your picture taken with KITT from Knight Rider!"


I'd like to see a cop buddy-movie with Nick Nolte and Gary Busey. They could do bad-cop-worse cop. Or maybe drunk-cop, high-cop.

It's my favorite time of the year, where everybody's favorite sports become pro football, college football, and talking about your fantasy football teams.

I set my DVR to record an NFL game on Sunday, and the confirm screen asked me, "You have chosen to record an Arizona Cardinals game. Are you sure?" I thought for a moment, and honestly had no logical answer.

I saw a laundry detergent that was for "front or top loading washers." What are my other alternatives? Is there a "soiled-linen-injected" model? Perhaps some kind of washer where you actually load the laundry through a hidden compartment underneath the unit? One where I have to go out in the front yard and jam the dirty clothes into the emergency turn-off valve by the mailbox?

I was out the other day at an electronics store called "Best Buy." Technically, there can be only one "best" buy. It was probably either getting Manhattan for beads, or the Louisiana Purchase.

You ever see the President with a Bluetooth phone stuck in his ear? No? Then why do you need one, Mr. Fat Middle-Aged Balding Businessman at Lowe's? I've talked to many of you. Trust me, nothing you have to say is that important. The governor's not waiting on your advice on a stay of execution.

Dane Cook is funny. Comedians are funny. Reality shows can be funny. Then why is Tourgasm, a reality show about Dane Cook and comedians not funny? It is truly less than the sum of it's parts.

You know what snack food I love? Munchos. Been around forever, NEVER been advertised. What would they say about it? "Munchos...The STALE potato chip."

Home Depot should be called "House Depot." They can build you a house, but a house is not a home. Will Home Depot come over and bake brownies for you while you complain about having a bad day at work? Hell, no.

Time for the Trivial 80's answers. Several of you rebounded from last week's shut-out to get all five. Our winners were Christine in Massachusetts, Kimberly in Ohio, Troy in Dallas, and Patsy in Los Angeles.

I've noticed something that tripped a couple of folks up. Everybody knows what David Lee Roth sounds like, but nobody knows which song I've posted because they all sound almost exactly the same.

Your answers are:


More trivia coming up this Friday!

I worked internet play-by-play for my university tonight, doing the broadcasts of both of our soccer games. As soon as the second game was over, I got up from the table and ran into a running truck, then was driven at great speeds for an hour to get to my high school football game for the night's broadcast. I arrived after the pretaped pregame had already begun, sat down, turned on my mixer, and started right on time. I felt like Phil Collins being rushed to the Concorde to play both Live Aids.

Not sure if anybody will get that, but sleep deprivation has made me so punchy, I thought it was funny.

If you like to hear what it is I do for a living, check out our broadcasts.

Here's your trivia snippets for this week, last week no one got more than two of the answers right. Here are five small snippets from songs from the 80's. All five were singles, songs that got airplay on the radio. Can you name them?


Send your guesses to snowfire51@gmail.com I'll post the winners next Tuesday. Make me proud, you guys. Have a good weekend.

Here we go, with the grand finale, sixty minutes from the end of my summer fascination. Brooke explains the rules for the final show. Everybody's on the hot seat but Dilana.


Magni starts us off, and they've broken out the big pyro for the final show.
Then we get Toby, who appears to be wearing a Nehru Jacket.

Neither cover is particularly strong, but Toby gets the crowd singing to remind the band that people like him, and chicks dig him. That should do it.

The band votes, and Magni is off. Dave says "awesome" again for the second time in fifteen minutes.

A video package airs for Lukas, which shows him basically having a seizure every single week.



Dilana gets her video package, and looks very impressive. She says everybody else is great, but she's better, and the crowd loves it. That's why it's okay to run down other people in the entertainment industry, the public doesn't pay attention.

In Toby's video, there's lots of happy girls. That's what I'm basing my decision on.

Last three performances, and in honor of the final show, Brooke appears to be wearing a Xena costume.

Lukas does "Bittersweet Symphony," which was probably his best cover. He still looks like a guy who would have been in a band that Tommy Lee would have beaten the crap out of in a bar twenty years ago. Dilana gets to do "Zombie." Toby finishes the season with "Somebody Told Me."

All three singers had one last chance to make their case to be in the band, and all three picked songs that sound nothing like the music that Supernova will be playing.

Elimination time, and they cut Toby. That's shows you why I am not a professional oddsmaker. Toby is very polite, and goes off to get knee deep in women and money.

We're down to the two shortest possible contestants. They make us wait...and give us Lukas.

Lukas is 29. Tommy is 43. Tommy had lost his virginity by the time Lukas was born. Tommy's going to want to get laid after the show, and Lukas is only going to draw Goth chicks. I can't see this working out.

Gilby offers to produce Dilana's album for her. Not sure how much of a big selling point that is. This is the guy who helped shape the timeless sound that was L.A. Guns.

Lukas mumbles his way through two songs with the band, and welcomes Magni back to join them. Why doesn't the band just let Magni join on rhythm guitar?

Roll to credits, fade. I've spent an entire summer following this band, and now I wouldn't pay more than eight bucks to see them if I had two free drink coupons.

We're down to the next-to-last show, and we've got four contestants left. We start with the Viewer's Choice song.


Dilana gets to introduce Ryan, which is a strange juxtaposition. Ryan's off the show, and Dilana is still in the final three. However, it was her dealings with Ryan that led more people to pay attention to him, and really start hating her. Ryan's triumphant return winds up with him getting a new car. Dilana's Supernova career will either wind up with her fronting the band, or playing at county fairs.

Ryan's album is called "Dark Horse." I assume Dave Navarro gets a cut of each album. He does his "Back Of Your Car" song. Whatever the Hell happened in the back of that car makes him scream a lot.

Toby starts us off with a Radiohead song.

I'd like to take a moment to say that Radiohead is my absolute favorite band that everyone tells me is great, but I have never listened to. Not even once.

Toby's doing his song again. It's catchy still, but wouldn't it make more sense to make them sing another song they wrote? Lots of singers had one good song in them. Let's hear the follow-up. One hit single's not going to pay Tommy Lee's pool insurance.

Magni joins Toby onstage, and Toby rewards him by writing on his bald head.

A quick crowd shot shows Paula Abdul has shown up drunk, and is in the wrong studio again.

Lukas does a Coldplay song, wearing enough eyeliner to embarrass RuPaul. With his chicken walk and stage presence, Lukas looks for all the world like Mick Jagger mated with a chimp.

Once again, he does his song about his mom. Doesn't Lukas have any other relatives we can hear vague crappy songs about?

Dilana takes the stage to a chorus of indifference from the crowd. That's not good. If they remember they don't like you, but not to hate you, it's a bad sign. People loved or hatred Nirvana. People were indifferent towards the Wallflowers. You've got to make people feel something.

The other three singers back her up on the chorus of "Roxanne". Magni is now wearing a toboggan on his head. I wonder if that was a Sharpie Toby wrote "EVS" on his head with?

Dilana's cover is worse than the Police, but better than Eddie Murphy in "48 Hours".

Dilana does her original, and absolutely kills with it. She just reminded everybody why she's made it this far, in spite of the public relations screw-ups. She's back in the game.

Magni does a Deep Purple song, then his original. Neither really stands out, although his cover of a Deep Purple song probably does more to help their catalog than his career.

Tommy says he doesn't remember anything about Magni's song. Tommy also doesn't remember the entire "Theatre of Pain" tour, getting that tattoo on his privates, or where he left the dirty videos of himself.

Bottom Three: Lukas, Lukas, and Magni.

Prediction: Lukas is too young. Dilana has already short-circuited herself. Magni is the only one of enough age that he wouldn't look weird standing in front of the band, but Toby draws the babes. Toby walks away with it.

Well, last week they went out of their way to make sex as little of a turnon as possible. We had incest, pregnancy sex, and the ghoulish specter of Tracy Scoggins. A brief appearance by Brooke Shields getting pounded out of her Calvins was offset by Kathleen Turner, whose "Body Heat" days are long behind her. Turner played a phone-sex operator who's voice had gotten too low to work. She looked like an old tarp, taken from a weathered trailer and stretched across the widening skeleton of someone's grandmother.

Let's see. We've had a drug kingpin threatening the guys, and a serial killer stalking them and deforming his victims. What's the scariest thing we can do now? Let's make Christian gay. He takes a quasi-gay guy to the strip club and gets him a lapdance. Him watching the guy get seduced is eerily reminiscent of Quentin and Sean from the frat party last year.

We finally find out what happened to the White Supremacist guy from last year. After leaving him as a giant dangling loose end, Matt tells Kimber he survived and went to prison. Then, as if this show wasn't turning gay quick enough, Matt decides he wants to join Scientology. Great. He'll be taking Travolta flights any day now.

For some reason, Kimber has a front door with a peephole a foot too high for her to look through.

Annie is mangling all of her dolls in honor of her new brother. Man, this kid waits for three years for her first plotline, and it comes in the weirdest year yet.

Matt keeps trying to explain Scientology to people. Amazingly, it sounds even dumber when you try to boil it down to one sentence.

Christian winds up naked in his apartment with a gay guy, in a scene that inspires people to yell at the screen like they're watching a horror movie. It teases uncomfortable sex, and ends up in uncomfortable violence. Are they just trying to punish us with this season, like the last Seinfeld?

Again, the Trivial 80's Friday was a shutout. No one had more than 2 of the 5 correct. Here's your answers.



Yes, they were more obscure, but some of you were getting cocky. More coming up Friday.

Apologies with the late trivia today, I'm a bit swamped under with football season, soccer season, volleyball season, fantasy football season, wilding season, seasons greetings, seasons in the sun, and Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons. I'm a bit winded. Here is your official weekly Friday 80's trivia challenge, tiny snippets from five songs from the 80s. Can you name them?



I'll post the winners next Tuesday. Make me proud, you guys. Have a good weekend.

Okay, I may just be a little bit ticked off about the show since my own Mrs. Storm Large Kerr just got voted off, but I just don't know where this show is going.

Storm wasn't the right fit for the band, that's a given. But what I can't understand about this any more is the rest of the contestants.

Toby is good, no doubt. He's got to be the frontrunner now. In fact, his original was ten times catchier than anything Supernova has played.


Magni is also good, if still unspectacular. He's got a good voice, but he doesn't connect with the audience in the way that the other two guys do.

Is it just me, or is it becoming painfully obvious that Dilana is trying to get thrown off the show? She's gone out of her way to bad mouth everybody, and with her two trips to the bottom three, she's chosen two awful songs to perform. The Talking Heads' "Psycho Killer"? Cheap Trick's "I Want You To Want Me" done in a arhythmic punk style? I'm surprised she doesn't just start singing "The Wheels On The Bus" or "Happy Birthday." I don't think she wants to be in this band at all, and she wants to cut her losses, cash in on her fame, and go.

And Lukas keeps on surviving, subjecting us to horrible awful songs. For some reason, the band keeps him around. There's two things I need to point out about Lukas.

1) He sucks. And more importantly,
2) Supernova is going to look like grandparents playing behind Lukas.

On to the finals!

Brooke announces that Ryan has been off the show for six days and already has a solo career and more name recognition than 2/3s of Supernova. That's good, in a way. This may become a competition where the best place to finish may be as runner-up.

The House Band bags on Dilana for not knowing about the Who's "Behind Blue Eyes". Granted, it's a song you should have heard if you're a rock and roll singer, songwriter, or anyone who's ever owned a CD/album/cassette/8-track. I can't help but think, however, that they're really going out of their way to paint her as the bad girl. Next show we'll see the backstage footage where she kicked a puppy, stole Lukas's eyeliner, and drank milk right from the carton out of the Supernova fridge.

To start us off, Dilana sits on a stool, since she apparently tore her calf muscle kicking herself in the ass for ticking off all of the internet voters. Dilana does the Who song, then one of her own. She's got a great voice and great presence, but the band is as visible as they're ever going to be at this very moment, and she's ticking people off left and right. Can you afford to sign up the female Axl, circa 1989?

Jason Newsted gives her credit, and says "Good on' ya." I guess he figures Toby is getting laid a lot and he's from Australia, so anything that might help, Jason will try.

Magni does a Beatles song, then an angry original. Never heard of channeling Icelandic rage before, but he's doing it. Two originals so far, two angry rants. Anger doesn't necessarily translate to entertainment.

Storm gets another David Bowie song. She's wearing a suit and fedora, and she manages to look far more manly than Dave Navarro. She finally loses the hat and jacket for her original, reminding me that I have an open proposal to the next Mrs. Storm Large Kerr. Her original is up on her MySpace site, by the way. Knowing that makes me feel like such a stalker.

Lukas does a Bon Jovi song, and by "does" I mean "performs it so crappily that I'd rather hear him cover a Nelson song". He tops off the dirt sandwich performance with an original song he wrote for his mother, that is incomprehensibly bad. If this song makes you think of your mother, I hate to break it to you but your mom was incoherent and repetitive.

Finally, Toby gets the Killers "Mr. Brightside." That chorus of that song is so similar to "Joyful Joyful We Adore Thee" that Jesus should be asking for points on the record. He's not so good on the cover, but his original has pretty much everything you could ask for in a rock song. It's got flying lyrics, syncopated rhythms, a sing-along part, and an instantly recognizable hook. He gets a celebratory grope from Tommy, which means he'll have to give a blood and urine sample at the clinic later to get checked. With Dilana's voice obscured by the foot in her mouth, Toby is the new favorite.

Bottom three predictions: Lukas, Dilana, Magni

Four winners on our weekly 80's trivia challenge, my first winner is a repeat customer, the lovely Kimberly from Ohio. Other folks to go 5 for 5 were Lisa and Jen in Washington, Tom in New Jersey, and Martha in Massachusetts.



More coming up on Friday.

"American Psycho" Bret Easton Ellis
I haven't felt this sick since that Ronald Reagan film festival. A horrible, disgusting, wretched book, written from the viewpoint of insanity. Whereas the movie allowed the Patrick Bateman character to at least have a sense of irony and black humor, it's all carefully kept negative in the original text, with no humor or redeeming characteristics whatsoever.

The book is four hundred pages. The first hundred serve almost no purpose, save to describe Bateman's clothes, friends, habits, skin regimen, stereo choices, and other surface level characteristics. The final hundred describe acts of depraved torture that also serve no purpose.

I get transgressional fiction, but this book just made me feel dirty for reading it. No good guys. No heroes. Not even any normal people. Just villains and monsters.

Back with the weekly Friday 80's trivia challenge, tiny snippets from five songs from the 80s. Can you name them?



I'll post the winners next Tuesday. Make me proud, you guys. Have a good weekend.