Reid About It

It's morning in America, and I'm going back to bed.

There's something I don't understand about American Idol. Every year, they take 12 people with good voices, pare them down to two, and then both of them get recording contracts and are forced down our throats for years. Except for poor Justin, of course.

What the Hell happens to everybody else? Shouldn't we be seeing the runners-up playing somewhere? After that "American Idol Also-Rans On Tour", shouldn't they be finding gigs somewhere? It's been five years, and most of those people are gone already.

Shouldn't they be playing boat shows and county fairs, at least? "Come check out the new Polaris Watercraft exhibit, see the American Idol, and get your picture taken with KITT from Knight Rider!"


I'd like to see a cop buddy-movie with Nick Nolte and Gary Busey. They could do bad-cop-worse cop. Or maybe drunk-cop, high-cop.

It's my favorite time of the year, where everybody's favorite sports become pro football, college football, and talking about your fantasy football teams.

I set my DVR to record an NFL game on Sunday, and the confirm screen asked me, "You have chosen to record an Arizona Cardinals game. Are you sure?" I thought for a moment, and honestly had no logical answer.

I saw a laundry detergent that was for "front or top loading washers." What are my other alternatives? Is there a "soiled-linen-injected" model? Perhaps some kind of washer where you actually load the laundry through a hidden compartment underneath the unit? One where I have to go out in the front yard and jam the dirty clothes into the emergency turn-off valve by the mailbox?

I was out the other day at an electronics store called "Best Buy." Technically, there can be only one "best" buy. It was probably either getting Manhattan for beads, or the Louisiana Purchase.

You ever see the President with a Bluetooth phone stuck in his ear? No? Then why do you need one, Mr. Fat Middle-Aged Balding Businessman at Lowe's? I've talked to many of you. Trust me, nothing you have to say is that important. The governor's not waiting on your advice on a stay of execution.

Dane Cook is funny. Comedians are funny. Reality shows can be funny. Then why is Tourgasm, a reality show about Dane Cook and comedians not funny? It is truly less than the sum of it's parts.

You know what snack food I love? Munchos. Been around forever, NEVER been advertised. What would they say about it? "Munchos...The STALE potato chip."

Home Depot should be called "House Depot." They can build you a house, but a house is not a home. Will Home Depot come over and bake brownies for you while you complain about having a bad day at work? Hell, no.