Reid About It

Well, last week they went out of their way to make sex as little of a turnon as possible. We had incest, pregnancy sex, and the ghoulish specter of Tracy Scoggins. A brief appearance by Brooke Shields getting pounded out of her Calvins was offset by Kathleen Turner, whose "Body Heat" days are long behind her. Turner played a phone-sex operator who's voice had gotten too low to work. She looked like an old tarp, taken from a weathered trailer and stretched across the widening skeleton of someone's grandmother.

Let's see. We've had a drug kingpin threatening the guys, and a serial killer stalking them and deforming his victims. What's the scariest thing we can do now? Let's make Christian gay. He takes a quasi-gay guy to the strip club and gets him a lapdance. Him watching the guy get seduced is eerily reminiscent of Quentin and Sean from the frat party last year.

We finally find out what happened to the White Supremacist guy from last year. After leaving him as a giant dangling loose end, Matt tells Kimber he survived and went to prison. Then, as if this show wasn't turning gay quick enough, Matt decides he wants to join Scientology. Great. He'll be taking Travolta flights any day now.

For some reason, Kimber has a front door with a peephole a foot too high for her to look through.

Annie is mangling all of her dolls in honor of her new brother. Man, this kid waits for three years for her first plotline, and it comes in the weirdest year yet.

Matt keeps trying to explain Scientology to people. Amazingly, it sounds even dumber when you try to boil it down to one sentence.

Christian winds up naked in his apartment with a gay guy, in a scene that inspires people to yell at the screen like they're watching a horror movie. It teases uncomfortable sex, and ends up in uncomfortable violence. Are they just trying to punish us with this season, like the last Seinfeld?