Cleaning Tips For The Lazy, Like Me
For the past two years, I have been living in an apartment the size of a prison cell. My apartment is so small, you could stand in the middle and touch both sides of it, although you certainly wouldn't want to without a tetanus shot.
One good thing about living somewhere small enough to qualify as a P.O. box is that cleaning is a breeze, and not just for the fact that you can clean the walls with the spray from the kitchen faucet.
Here's a few easy cleaning tips, all inspired from desperation.
- If you have a small kitchen, it may be best to not waste counter space on appliances. It may be prudent to outsource your toast.
Stains in the microwave are easy to loosen up. First, cook a wet sponge on high for two minutes, then wipe the microwave down thoroughly and place a plate of bacon in there. Because, you know, bacon's really good and cleaning makes you hungry.- Whatever that is in on the bottom of the oven, it can be treated with a mixture of baking soda and water. If not, it's best to move and never speak of it again.
- If your dryer doesn't vent outside, place a tub of water underneath the exhaust to catch the lint. If your washer doesn't vent outside, you should probably buy some flippers and a snorkel.
- Lipstick on clothing can be removed with petroleum jelly, vegetable shortening, or by hiring a higher class of prostitute.
To clean a George Foreman Grill, wet a paper towel and put it inside the grill for a half hour while it cools. To clean George Foreman, scrub him vigorously behind the ears with a loofah and let him air dry.- Clean your rings with toothpaste and a toothbrush. It will make both your rings and your teeth much shinier.
- To get rid of bathroom odors in the short term, place an opened box of baking soda behind the toilet. In the long term, stop eating more than a pound of red meat and taking a year's worth of Sports Illustrated into the john at a time.
- If a child has drawn on your walls in crayon, it can be removed with WD-40. Barring that, you can always put a frame around it and pretend the little bugger was being cute.
To remove cat hair, wrap a piece of tape around your fingers and pat down your shirt or blouse. Then, wrap the cat in the remainder of the tape and deposit him on the back porch.- Instead of paper towels, clean your windows with crumpled up newspaper funnies. The leftover angst from "Peanuts" will keep your glass shiny and gleaming.
2 Comments:
Thank you, Heloise.
Is that the cat who has decided to allow you to live with him/ her? Does this cat have a name???
FYI: The upholstry said cat is napping on is either just like or close to identical to the chair in my living room. I find it to be a fabulous napping place as well.
Great minds think alike.
-- P
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