Home Sweet Home
I'm in the process of moving out of my tiny, crumb-sized apartment and looking for a house. After a week of poring over real estate listings and checking out houses, I feel like I've gone from being a complete property newbie to becoming a true real estate mogul like Donald Trump or Stanley Roper.Just for future reference to sellers, there are a few things you should realize when you're putting your house on the market, and your information out on the web.
- Your house should be spotless. If this is not possible, it should at least be clean. If neither of these things can happen, you should at least walk around and make sure the place doesn't smell like piss.
- "Cozy" means small. "Quaint" means old. "Convenient to shopping" means your driveway empties onto a Wal-Mart parking lot.
Don't take pictures of the bedrooms and only show the corner of the room. No matter how good it looks, that's like trying to judge a supermodel by a close-up of her eye. If you have a strange, dark oddly placed room and you don't explain exactly what that room is used for, I'm going to assume it's a sex dungeon. - If your furniture is really nice, don't put it in the picture. If your furniture is crappy, don't put it in the picture. In fact, keep your furniture out of the pictures unless it's staying in the house when I buy it. I don't want to see how well your den holds your couch, chair, desk, margarita machine, loom, hamster habitrail, and Ab Roller.
- If you leave pictures of your funny-looking family, or better yet, a framed glamour shot of you left over from picture day at Sears, rest assured we will be making fun of you as soon as we get to the car.
- Don't ever use the following words and phrases to describe your home: "Great for the price," "Newish," or "Needs TLC." Just write "Old," that's what we assume you mean.
- Remember, all we have to see of your house online is the pictures. If there's something weird about your house, your decor, or your decorating style, you might not want to broadcast it. Trying to imagine what my stuff will look like in your house when the den is full of Star Trek collectibles is kind of tough.
3 Comments:
I once went house shopping with my sister and brother-in-law and we were meeting their Realtor(r) at a house. When we went in, the television was playing the original Poseidon Adventure and there was a loose bird (some kind of parrot) in the house. We were convinced the owners were hiding under one of the beds. I mean seriously, you know someone is coming and you don't put your bird back in the cage or turn off the tv? For the record, every room in that house was painted in colors one would expect to find in the Bahamas. Turquoise and a sort of mango color were thickly painted everywhere. It was lovely.
Ah, house shopping. So fun. I used to write real estate profiles of houses for sale in the community, and I saw some doozies. I remember one house had purple cabinets in the kitchen (it actually worked pretty well), and the Realtor(r) wanted me to write "custom paint" instead. The cabinets are purple, not puce. It's cool.
And don't get me started about home staging. If you want to sell, you basically have to take anything that has any sentimental meaning for you (pictures, memorabilia, sex toys) and put it away. That's why I am NEVER MOVING AGAIN.
OMGOSH! I can empathize totally after having a home on the market for six months before it sold... and now being house hunting heck... Keep Truckin' in your home owner bliss(until you begin your home improvement nightmare.)
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