Reid About It

I don't know any witty way to start off this story, but a man was arrested for having sex with a table.

Yep. A table. I'm going to let that sink in a little.

Watch the video of the police chief for more hilarity. Just watch it, so you can tell your grandkids you've actually seen another human being say the sentence "He was completely nude, and he used the hole for the umbrella to have sex with the table."

Some of you may be thinking that it's a victimless crime, or that the table was asking for it because she was wearing a short skirt.

To begin with, I'm not even sure how to report something like that. If I ever see a guy having sex with a picnic table, I wouldn't know whether I should call the cops, or the sheriff, or a park ranger.

I think the wife should have known. When he cancelled his subscription to Playboy and started disappearing into the bathroom with the Ikea catalog, she should have figured something was up.