Reid About It

I've been hesitant to write anything about Anna Nicole Smith. Maybe it's just the fact that I've seen her naked, but I hold nothing for sympathy for a beautiful woman who just went way too far on way too little.

However, we've been seeing her non-stop on television for five solid days. Did I miss where she was elected queen, or screwed a Kennedy?

Anna Nicole Smith was a Playboy Playmate with an eighth grade education.
She was beautiful, but dumb. She was great in print ads, but when she tried to act it was horrible. She was the female Antonio Sabato Junior.

Here's my memory of the Anna Nicole Smith timeline. She was naked in Playboy, changed her name, was the hottest Playmate of the Year ever, and signed a deal with Guess. Then, she was a walking punchline for twelve years. She progressed to be an awful actor in comedies, and did bad softcore movies. She married a guy from the Old Testament she picked up in a strip club, and was tied up in lawsuit over his leftover money for a long time. She gained a lot of weight, then lost it while endorsing a diet aid that appeared to be methamphetamines. She got a show on E!, where she appeared to be the most chemically addled ever reality star ever, a title she'd lose a few years later to Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown. She vanished for a while, returning with the most confusing pregnancy since Tony Randall had a kid. Then, she died under mysterious circumstances, which really aren't that mysterious if you saw the photos of what was in her refrigerator.

She led a very interesting life, but not really honorable, and certainly not enough to warrant this Lady Di treatment she's been getting in the media.