Reid About It

The show starts with a disappointment. We've been promised a Police reunion, and we get one song. No medley, just one song from their first album. They were hyping this like it was peace in the Middle East, and it comes and goes so quickly that if you tuned in late, you missed it. I guess after 20 years of enmity, we should be greatful for what we get. Stewart Copeland can still play like no one else.

Shakira is a human slinky, which is a really good thing.

Mary J. Blige wins her first Grammy of the night, and reads a thank you list with more people on it than bought Tom Petty's album.

The crawl at the bottom of the screen tells us Don Fagen wins for "Best Surround Sound Album." I have no idea who came in second place in this category.

The Grammys have now become a reality show, as we're asked to vote for who will sing with Justin Timberlake later on in the show. Somewhere, the other four former members of N'SYNC wonder why nobody's voting for them.

Justin Timberlake sings and plays piano on a song he wrote, while filing his performance on a camera he's carrying around in his own hand. Say what you want about old JT, but at least he's taking an active role in his career. It wouldn't surprise me if he knitted that shirt he's wearing and carved his piano out of a giant boulder.

Carrie Underwood and Rascal Flatts perform a tribute to the Eagles, which means they do cover songs. They play four songs, which takes forever. Why not just have the Eagles play on this show? And more importantly, if the Rock And Roll Hall of Famers The Police are held to one freakin' song, why are the American Idol and Skeeter Hollow permitted to assault us with average bar band cover songs for twenty minutes?

We get the montage of the deceased, and apparently it was a pretty healthy year for musicians. They even have time to throw up a quick shout-out to Ed Bradley.

The montage closes with a thirty second tribute to James Brown. Even dead, he still makes an appearance on the show, proving he's still the hardest working man in show business, even in the afterlife. The Godfather of Soul dies and we get a half minute dance, followed by a close-up shot of a cape. Makes the earlier show without end from Carrie Underpants and Cooter Junction even more pointless.

Quuentin Tarrantino and Tony Bennett come out. Now that's a party I'd like to be invited to.

Neil Young is always up for album of the year, and yet I have never personally known anyone who owns any of them.

Don Henley comes out to give away the Record of the Year award. What the Hell? If Don Henley was there, why couldn't he just play the Eagles songs earlier?

The Dixie Chicks win Record of the Year. The terrorists win again.