Reid About It

Personally, I'm not going to believe Enron ghoul Ken Lay is really dead until he's identified, cut open and autopsied, a stake driven through his heart, and the body and head are burned and the ashes scattered in different places.

My local bookstore has a bargain/used section of books called "Inspirational." How inspirational could these books possibly be if people bought them and discarded them? That's like buying a Bible from the Estate of a guy who committed suicide.

So the Wayans Brothers have a movie now where one of them is a bald, cigar smoking criminal posing as a baby? Great. So now they're directly ripping their ideas off from Bugs Bunny cartoons? I suppose the next one will feature them chasing each other around singing an opera called "Kill The Wayan."

What's the deal with lesbians and pet stores?

There are two phrases I always like to hear when I'm watching the news, because I know that whenever you hear them, you've got a great story coming up. Get the popcorn, don't answer the phone, because something horrible is about to occur and you don't want to miss it. Those phrases? "Common-law wife" and "experimental aircraft."

I was at a bookstore the other day, and saw a book by Sister Souljah. Apparently, everyone who was ever on stage with Public Enemy is now qualified to be called a "political activist". I didn't buy it, though, I was saving my money for Big Daddy Kane's manifesto.

I was 30 when I finally understood what Sam Kinison was always screaming about. I was 35 when I finally understood why Bob Seger was always so wistful. However, I still don't get Jackson Browne. Stay tuned, I'll let you know when that happens.