Reid About It

Televangelist and nutball Pat Robertson now claims that his god gives him the strength of the Hulk. Robertson, who can't be more than 6 feet tall and a couple of bills, says that at the age of 73 and stricken with prostate cancer, he squat lifted a ton.

A ton. Two thousand pounds. Seriously. A 73 year-old guy with bad knees squat thrusted more than the strongest football player ever. This is even funnier than when the head of the Christian Coalition came out in favor of assassinating foreign leaders and nuking our own State Department.

Bear in mind that whatever god he's talking to frequently uses Robertson to amuse the rest of us, such as when he told Robertson to run for President in 1988, and then kept quiet while Robertson was beat down like Jim Bakker was in prison.

Robertson's website has a video of him leg-pressing 1,000 pounds, and giving the credit to an "age-defying protein shake." He's sold his name to a company that makes a product called Pat's Diet Shake.

Hell, why stop there? Load up all of Robertson's vitamins, and package them together as a trail mix called "Crazy Pat's Nuttier Nutballs". Serve it with an energy drink, "The Christian Cola-lation!" How about a candy bar that gives Robertson the inner Christian strength to hate people of other faiths, called "Smote"?

Hey, you may laugh, but if we'd have invested our money in that horrible contemporary Christian rap scene about ten years ago, we'd be able to retire by now.