The Blaine Truth
Like many of you, I watched magician/mutant David Blaine in his attempt to stay underwater without breathing for nine minutes on ABC Monday night. Admit it, when they pulled his semi-lifeless, couching, spasming body out of the tank, was I the only one who was disappointed he didn't cough up a seven of spades and turn to host Stuart Scott and say, "Is THIS your card?"
As the credits rolled, I noticed a network position called "Assistant to David Blaine." Man, I wonder what that must be like.
Assistant's Husband: Man, I had a bad day. My boss was on me about my TPS reports, and I had to work through lunch. How was yours?
Assistant: Well, this morning David turned my phone into spiders. Then we went to lunch, and he swallowed all of the silverware. In the afternoon, he asked me to help him with a new trick, and I wound up driving a ten-penny nail into his left testicle. That one's not quite ready for the public yet.
Husband: Uh...Yeah.
So, he was unable to go without air for longer than any other human ever on the planet. The sad thing is, ABC's lineup is so bad, they've asked Blaine to do a regular show. Next week, he'll conduct an autopsy on himself.
4 Comments:
So long as he had a cover sheet on his TPS report, it shouldn't be that big of a deal, eh?
Bet his boss makes him come in on Saturday, too.
You could drive a TPS report into his testicle.
Didn't watch the show--figured the only way to prove it wasn't a hoax was for David to die--and I really didn't want to watch that for entertainment!
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