Reid About It

Have you ever been around speakers, or a PA system when someone's cell phone goes off? It makes a horrible, cyber-grinding sound as the phone creates interference in every single electronic device around. But it's fine on your brain, don't even worry about it! Those synapses of yours are much better insulated than expensive computer speakers. There's very little chance that you get to sixty, and wet your pants and bark like a dog every time a garage door opens in your neighborhood.

I always get hungry for Chick-Fil-A on Sundays, when they're closed. I think Chick-Fil-A should be required to maintain a shift of Seventh Day Adventists and athiests so I can get a chicken sandwich during the NFL games.

I have a good cable TV system. Clint Eastwood is always murdering somebody on one of my networks.

Now that I'm working at a college, I'm going to take some graduate classes. Not sure what, since there is no degree in narcissism. I checked.

I saw a commercial on cable for a movie with David Arquette and giant spiders. If they'd throw in a Rosie O'Donnell nude scene, that's pretty much every nightmare I've ever had right there.

I really should rededicate myself to kicking ass. I've been preoccupied for too long with the whole "taking names" thing.

My favorite hobby now is going to Target and buying clothes to make my six year-old daughter look like a porn star. I remember fondly the days when you could actually go out and purchase clothes for little girls that weren't BeDazzled with words that you called women in moments of anger.