Reid About It

I love to go shopping. I don't even call it "shopping," I refer to it as a "purchasing excursion." It's not for any financial reasons, but more for the freakshow and bizarre products that I seem to always run across.

Last time, to begin with, I met this festively dressed woman in the parking lot. I resisted the urge to take a bat and crack her open to see if candy and toys poured out.

In the beverage aisle, this product caught my eye. This really unnerves me. It's an A&W Root Beer float in a bottle, just sitting there on the shelf at room temperature.

Call me wacky, but that's not usually how I like my ice cream.

This contains nitrous oxide. Should I be eating anything that contains the same ingredient that powers rocket engines?

How nice. Guitar Hero now comes loaded with Aerosmith, just like Aerosmith used to come loaded to all of their shows.

"Guitar Hero: Aerosmith"...now with more Hep C!

How much extra would I have to pay for this game to stop right before they recorded that love song to a meteor?

There was a sale on toilet paper, now with aloe and vitamin E. I never even thought to ask about this one.

You know, if your rectum needs vitamins and aloe, you might want to rethink your dietary habits. You might want to cut down on your intake of red meat and wicker furniture.

It may not be necessary to eat an entire bowl of rope for breakfast every morning.

I almost bought this, a Spider-Man shower curtain. No real reason, I was just amused by the thought of a super-hero needing to get cleaned up after a hard night of crime-fighting.

It kind of takes the edge off to think about Batman peeling the sweaty leather suit off of him and needing a scrub down, doesn't it?

Finally on my way out of the store, I saw this display featuring Brett Favre for John Madden Football 2009.The Curse of Madden Football rides again. Apparently, not even being retired can protect you from its icy grasp.

No matter how far away from football you get, the curse can still reach you, drag you back in, and make you play for the Jets.