Wal-Mart: A Children's Story
Hey kids! Look at what we get to do! We get to wait in line at Wal-Mart! It's just like the time Daddy took you to Six Flags, only at the end of the line we don't get to ride the roller coaster, we only get to walk out into a barely-lit parking lot with no security."But Daddy," you say, "isn't that line the 'Express' line you always talk about, the one that's supposed to be super-duper quick and fast?"
Ha-HA! Good one, kids.
Here is where the next line is. Can you see it? No? That's because it's all the way at the other end of the store, so far away you'd need to ride one of those Harry Potter brooms to reach it. But those people headed down there are falling for an old trick, just watch! That exit of Wal-Mart is closed after ten o'clock. Ha! Imagine their faces when they have to walk to the other end of the store to check out, then realize they have to walk all the way back up here to get out! Won't that be fun? Please don't repeat any of the words they say, kids.
This is the woman who works at the register right next to the one where we're waiting. Doesn't she look happy? Happy happy happy. She should be happy because she's taking her break, and will not deal with us no matter how long the lines are. Don't worry, she doesn't make eye contact with anyone, kiddies. It's not just you.When we leave here, we're going to take an international vacation, and Daddy's going to have some pancakes.
4 Comments:
Dude...stop going to shit hole Wal-Mart already.
Remember when they had Made in the USA on every goddamn thing they sold in there? You know, because Buy American and Save our Jobs and all that shit? That was pretty funny, wasn't it? It was funny how they made lots and lots of money off dumb ass rednecks who hated them Koreans whose asses we kicked in WWII and WalMart was Red White and Blue-in' it up by only selling American Made crap except it wasn't.
Dude, stop going to Wal-Mart already. They're a bunch of cocksuckers.
Man, if I had a Target near my house that stayed open past ten, I'd never have to shop at Wal-Mart again.
Wow, slamtundra! You really feel strong about that, don't you?
Just one point--we fought in Korea during the Korean Police Action, about 1950-1954. WWII endedin 1945.
Sorry about the stressors in your life, but I love you anyway!
I'm pretty sure Slam was just making a case for how foolish the rednecks were, in much the same way that they believe the terrorists from September 11, 2001, were all Iraqis.
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