Reid About It

The concept of this profession just completely eludes me. These people get money to tell you what they're doing in their own lives. Does this ever work? All I ever do is figure out if they're going to tell me how to be a Motivational Speaker myself, so I can pick up their speaking fee.

If you want to motivate your employees, don't pay some recently fired football coach fifty grand to come talk for a half hour about getting up at dawn and staying late. They have a lifespan of about eight years, and no family life to speak of.

Why would you hire a college football coach to tell you how to run your business? What did he learn by recruiting steroid-infused domestic batterers, and how will it affect our 3rd quarter profits?

Cash the fifty thousand in small bills, and then you let your employees fight over it. Last man standing is employee of the year.

Honestly, if motivation is so important, why should we waste it on work? Why can't I get motivated to daydream? Or to get my life in order? Or to get another job?

Everyone is not a winner, folks. That's why we have winners. Be perfectly okay with spending time with your loved ones, and not making money for people farther up the corporate ladder.

Motivational Speakers will tell you that Abraham Lincoln entered the Blackhawk War a captain, and came out a private. And he failed nine times. And it turned out okay for him.

Except for the whole "getting murdered" thing, that is.