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Irrelevant Tangents

  • I heard a Dallas sportstalk radio station ran the promo "Breaking Sports News First...Guaranteed!" Guaranteed? Or what? Or my money back?

  • They now sell something called "Black Cherry Vanilla Diet Coke". I can see the soda executives sitting around the table, discussing the new product, and wondering if they could get "just ONE more chemical in there somewhere. Hey, let's make it Diet! And turn it black! And then, we'll have to put a warning label on it that says 'Do not drink if pregnant, may cause mutation.'"
  • I saw a place advertising "Do It Yourself Pest Control". Isn't that just a shoe?

  • I've somehow gotten sucked into watching "Dancing With The Stars."
    Yes, I'm ashamed of me too. However, I only watch for Stacy Keibler, and for Master P. Not being a professional watcher of the dance, his hilarious, stumbling, Frankenstein-like stomping is the only thing that I can point to on that show and say that I can actually understnd. Every week, he figures he's going to get voted off so he can go home, and every week, his fans make him come back for another round of painful hoofing. I understand you people wanting to support him, but being a fan and voting for him to make him dance every week is like being pro-life, and rescuing a fetus just to make it enroll in military school. Let the man go.

  • I live in the kind of town where you have to get on the waiting list for IHOP.

  • People always seem to get excited when one of those free standing fairs comes to town. The carnies set up on a parking lot, and bolt the rides into the concrete and take off. You know, I just don't trust portable roller coasters being run by an elementary school dropout with six teeth, two noses, and rickets.

  • I'm not sure how much longer I'll be writing at this site, I'm involved with a new charity and that's taking up a lot of my time. It's an organization that takes sarcastic guys and airdrops us into small, third-world countries where humor is at a premium. I'm very proud to be associated with "Assholes Without Borders."

blogified by Reid @ 1/27/2006 11:30:00 AM 

7 Comments:

Blogger Jozet said...

"Isn't that a shoe?"

SNORT!!!

You slay me!

And I was thikning the same thing about the Diet Cherry Vanilla Cola food product.

But you know, if they put enough chemicals in it, it could begin to actually cure cancer.

2:44 PM  
Blogger Reid said...

Yeah, that's what I want to ingest, a beverage so powerful it can kick cancer's ass.

Thanks, Jozet!

9:55 PM  
Blogger slamtundra said...

"...is like being pro-life, and rescuing a fetus just to make it enroll in military school."

You're not telling me you're thinking of sending your tyke to one of those Godless liberal stink holes that calls itself a school, are you? One of those cesspools of sex and low morals?

4:30 PM  
Blogger Reid said...

Nah, we're teaching my daughter about sex and low morals at home, and using examples from Fox News to illustrate our points.

4:49 PM  
Blogger ©Jac said...

The black cherry vanilla coke is available in regular too, and I have to say that it is very good!

12:26 AM  
Blogger Julie Pippert said...

Must not be afraid to watch such mindless tripe---which I prefer to call entertainment---as Dancing with the Stars. I watch that, and what's more, Skating with Celebrities. Who wouldn't pay to watch Bruce Jenner dressed up like an officer and skating like a gentleman?

Don't knock the cola...it is excellent for stripping wallpaper off walls and curing sore throats.

Oh yeah, Jozet sent me.

5:44 PM  
Blogger Julie Pippert said...

Oh I forgot to say I know your wife---a lovely lady---and would like to let you know that at a church near you is a seminar that will help you figure out your place in society, as a man. I'll blog about it soon. I just can't not.

5:46 PM  

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