Reid About It

As a man, I'm worried about my place in society.

Back in the 1970's, there was a movement towards sensitivity. Suddenly, being macho was out, and being in touch with your feelings was in. Alan Alda was the perfect male, and men were crying over their emotions and getting into EST, and other things like that.

And women loved it. For about a month.

And then they decided they wanted their men to be men again.

And the pendulum swung so far back the other way, the ideal man became a sweaty, illogical brute. Rambo became a national hero by killing everyone in an enemy uniform. Bad cops in buddy movies became icons. Working out and smoking became simultaneously cool. For some reason, we allowed there to be four Rocky sequels. Jason Voorhees became a national hero, somehow.

Then, it came back a decade or so later, and went the other way, but this time much farther. Now, we're dealing with the horrible fallout from the metrosexual movement. Guys decided that what women really wanted was gay men, and have decided to get into fashion, and moisturizer, and makeup, and everything else normally not the area of manhood including carrying purses.

Manbags, whatever. Who are we trying to fool here?

Anyway, we smell good, fellas. Our skin is soft and moist, and we are all well manicured. And we've got about two weeks before our women tire of us taking longer than they do to get ready to go somewhere.

I'm afraid now that it's gone so far, the only way to reaffirm our manhood in the eyes of our women will be to be complete cavemen. Domestic violence will come into vogue, and we'll get rid of everything that even vaguely smells like perfume, and start covering ourselves in our own feces. Women will demand to be dragged around by their hair, and GQ Magazine will spotlight the "sloped-brow look". Stars on the red carpets will cling to the bare arms of their men, and boxing gyms will replace Starbucks as the new hip hangout places.

And for one brief shining moment, guys will actually covet the "Tony Danza Look".