Reid About It

It seems like there's a lot of nostalgia acts touring. When I go see a band from the 70s or 80s, I not only want them to play their hits, I want them to play all the songs I think they played, too. If I go see KC and the Sunshine Band, I full expect them to perform "Play That Funky Music, White Boy." I want Jesus Jones to play that EMF song, and vice versa. And every hair metal band from the 80's should play every hair metal song from the 80's. In fact, they should all have to be in the same band. Call 'em "Warranted Union of the Great White Poison Lion Snake," and let 'em play the hits.

I went out for dinner the other night, and my favorite Chinese place was serving a wedding rehearsal dinner for forty. Unfortunately, the place only seats forty-three.

I saw that due to accrued interest, that rapper is now actually "52 Cents." Good to know.

There's a store in Dallas called "Condoms To Go". Of course they are. You're not going to use them there, are you?

They now sell something called "Black Cherry Vanilla Diet Coke". I can see the soda executives sitting around the table, discussing the new product, and wondering if they could get "just ONE more chemical in there somewhere. Hey, let's make it Diet! And turn it black! And then, we'll have to put a warning label on it that says 'Do not drink if pregnant, may cause mutation.'"

I'm a bit depressed that "ginormous" is now in the dictionary. The whole fun of using that word was it's non-existence. I'm going to have to start using something else, like "funktastic" or "ridonkulous."

I love going to the zoo, because not only is it fun, it's also usually inexpensive which means you'll run into lots of trashy white folks there looking for a low-income outing. Nothing sets the scene for a relaxing day of fun like an 18 year-old Federline-looking baggy-pants punk with his hat on sideways blowing cigarette smoke on a monkey.

I saw a place advertising "Do It Yourself Pest Control". Isn't that just a shoe?