The Truth About Cats and Dogs
With the whole Ellen Degeneres thing going on, there's suddenly a lot of attention on pets in this country.
Just for the record, I'm in favor of dogs and cats finding homes, period. Ellen gave the dog to a friend of hers with children, which dogs usually get along with. It wasn't she like she got tired of the dog and gave it to Michael Vick.
Any person who claims to own a pet adoption agency who would remove a dog from a loving home should be taken out and shot in the face. They're obviously not aware of the problem. That's like a doctor with a "Save The Cancers" fundraiser.
Anyway, back to the subject.
I grew up with dogs, and consider myself a dog person. I love other animals also, but dogs are special. I love dogs because they love us. When you have a dog, it's a part of the family. People include dogs in their family photos.
Cats, not so much. I like cats, but cats are always the stuffy, uninvited relative in the house. They don't need you, won't come when you call, and aren't interested in what you're doing unless they can screw it up.
Dogs need you. Cats barely tolerate your presence.
You hear a story every few years about some elderly person who died in their home, and when the authorities show up, the dog is still there, moping and upset and staying with their master.
When the same thing happens and there's a cat in the house, the paramedics show up to find the family cat has eaten half of the deceased. The moment kitty realized the human wasn't going to be opening up the "Little Friskies" anymore, the human became just another food source.
I'm just a dog guy. Faithful, goofy, loyal, loving. Both of us, I mean.
7 Comments:
I don't need to be "invited". I AM the family. That's part of the feline charm. We're kind of like high maintenance women who require lots of expensive gifts.
I need Karen for two things: put food in my bowl and clean the kitty box. She's pretty much obsolete otherwise. She claims I need her for other purposes, like something called "paying the bills". I know nothing about these "bills". Insight???
You are right: we don't go out of our way to help humankind. We save our energies for higher purposes like blogging and nocturnal sock hunting.
So it goes . . .
-- P (the cat)
Penelope, you are my favorite cat, narrowly beating out Bill The Cat and Toonces. You're welcome here anytime.
I've tried to warn all my friends who have cats that if they have the misfortune to die alone with their kitty, they will be the cat's next meal.
Mostly they don't believe it and if they do, they claim not to care.
There was a story recently about a cat who identified dying elderly in a nursing home - right! Anticipating their next meal...
By the way, catlovers, I don't like dogs either. You hear all the time about dogs turning on their owners - for nooooo apparent reason.
Bottom line: Animals are such animals I do like people a lot - though I admit - not ALL people.
Okay, you know how I loves me some dogs, right? I have to disagree with you on the Ellen thang. People like Ellen are exactly why shelters have those no-transfer rules. Ever known people who repeatedly buy puppies and when the novelty has worn off and the cute has grown off they get rid of them any way they can? Shelters want to be sure the people who are taking the animals and have been approved as "likely to care for them" are actually the ones who end up with the pet. For all Ellen knew, her hairdresser could have been using "Iggy" to train the 30 pitbulls she was hiding in her backyard. Not likely, but stuff like that does happen...
Excerpts from a Dog's Diary
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing !
10:30am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat's Diary
Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre
little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed
hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I
nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt
to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of.
However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good
little hunter" I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.
However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
confinement was due to the power of "allergies."
I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking.
I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and
seems to be more than willing to return.
He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe
him communicate with the guards regularly.
I am certain that he reports my every move.
My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell,
so he is safe.
Excerpts from a Dog's Diary
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing !
10:30am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat's Diary
Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre
little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed
hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I
nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt
to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of.
However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good
little hunter" I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.
However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
confinement was due to the power of "allergies."
I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking.
I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and
seems to be more than willing to return.
He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe
him communicate with the guards regularly.
I am certain that he reports my every move.
My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell,
so he is safe.
I love sushi but give me a juicy steak anytime. Dogs rule.
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