Irrelevant Tangents
I think there should be new movie ratings. The old ones don't do enough to adequately describe what we're seeing anymore. For example, for horror movies:
"S : This film has been rated Shit. It's not suitable for anybody, except for punk kids sneaking in to the theatre to see gore and boobies. Just download it, you little cyber-savant perverts."
"Saving Private Ryan" was on the other night, and I almost stumbled into it. I had to change the channel before I got too engrossed in it, and had to spend the whole night watching it. It's a great movie, but it's just too draining to watch if I'm not ready for it. I have "Post-Saving-Private-Ryan-Stress-Disorder."
It has come to my attention that everytime I mention Jenna Jameson, I get hits on the website like I've just discovered a cure for gingivitis. So there you go.
Owens sausage has a flavor designated "Extra Mild." What the Hell is that? Is it super-average? Is it extra-medium? Does it have that certain lack of taste that mild foods have, except an exciting amont of it?
I think a great ringtone would be of a howling beagle. I'll bet it would make you answer your phone in a hurry. Sure seems to wake up the neighbors at six in the morning.
XM Radio has something called "The Playboy Channel." I've never heard it, but it doesn't make sense to me. To begin with, how sexy can radio be? And if it is, is this supposed to be the audio form of Playboy Magazine? Do they really want me driving around masturbating, and then falling asleep on the turnpike?
Richard Gere is in trouble for kissing a woman during an awards ceremony in India. Who would have ever thought the most controversial kiss of Richard Gere's private life would be with a woman? The oddsmakers take a beating again.
Finally, Nicolas Cage has a movie out where he can see into the future, and uses this power to fight crime. I guess Cage has earned enough awards that he can choose to only play super-heroes for the rest of his life. According to IMDB, Cage has five movies to be released this year, and five scheduled for next year. Here's a quick memo for Cage's managers. He doesn't have to do every script that makes its way to him. I get the feeling you could see Nicolas Cage picking up his dry cleaning and slip him a script, and six months later he'd be starring in your semi-autobiographical treatment about a rogueish Subway Sandwich Artist who fights crime.
2 Comments:
I love how you use Jenna Jameson, sausage and masturbating all in the same post. Smart, Reid, very smart.
And guaranteed to get you lots of Google hits!
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