Reid About It

Okay, I'm hooked. I'll admit it. I can't watch American Idol, but its grungier cousin, Rock Star: SuperNova has me reeled in. In case you're not watching, people compete to sing for a band made up of Jason Newsted (Metallica), Gilby Clarke (Guns N Roses), and Tommy Lee (Motley Crue, homemade porn). Where American Idol has the classicially oversinging Star Search moments, Rock Star has the dirty, growling, rock and roll moments, as a dozen singers try to win a job that most of them aren't a good fit for anyway.

Here are the survivors so far, and my predictions on their futures.


Lukas has a certain look about him, which is like saying a blind date has lots of personality. Personally, I like my bad singers to not have quite so much sparkly crap on their eyes. Lukas should be singing for a band that had "The" in their name, like "The Femurs", or "The Blind", or "The Scrotum".


Magni is from Iceland, so we're treated to plenty of shots of him missing his wife, and looking at pictures of his newborn kid on the internet. Yeah, it's real tragic that he's not there for his kid's birth. If he misses him so much, why is he trying to get a job that will require him to miss the rest of his son's life in exchange for touring the world in a whirlwind of sex and drugs with Tommy Lee's band? Let's not make Magni out to be Hugh Beaumont here. He's got his priorities.

Magni should get the jobs the bald Chris guy from last year's American Idol turns down.


Jill has no stage presence, and always seems to be flat as a hammer on the first night. It takes more than nice abs and Pantene to make a singer. Jill should front a Sass Jordan tribute band. If there's not one, there should be.



Zayra is purely entertaining. She fits the "Master P" spot on the show, someone who is so blessedly awful and oblivious to it that she becomes entertaining in the car crash way. You never know what she's going to play, and quite often afterwards, you still don't know what you saw. Zayra should have a solo career, with a lot of weird-looking fans.



Dana , this week's victim, the girl with the five-head proudly announced to the band that she was adopting their rebellious attitude and getting her first tattoo. Yeah, one small outlined tattoo is going to impress Tommy Lee, and his human ink sleeves. Tommy's hardcore. His tattoo needles give you diseases you'll keep for the rest of your life. Dana should find religion and hit the fried chicken circuit, where she can spin her tale of temptation and tattoos.


Storm is so good, I'm rooting for her to not win. She's the wrong fit for this band, but you can tell she's been on stage for most of her life. Good pipes, good presence, and a star quality about her. Also, I'd like to take this opportunity to officially invite Storm to marry me. Storm should be the next Mrs. Reid Kerr.

Ryan finally turned heads when he performed a solo piano rendition of REM's "Losing My Religion" this week. If Michael Stipe had originally done that number with such gut-wrenching, stone-passing angst, the song wouldn't have held us all hostage for that entire summer back in the 90's. Ryan should overdub vocals for Eddie Vedder.


Josh. I'll be honest, I have no idea who this guy is. He stands out like an individual blade of grass. It seems like I vaguely remember him wearing a hat one week. That's my complete memory of Josh. Josh should be the guy we can't remember from this show, like Chris Mullin on the original Dream Team.




Toby. Toby is like Josh, but with a vague accent. Don't think Toby is generic? Did you notice the picture isn't of him, but of professional wrestler Christian Cage? Toby should be playing boat shows next year.


Patrice seems to never get it right on the first show, but she always performs well enough to save herself on Wednesday. Appears to have not washed her hair since Cobain was alive. Patrice should hope next year's show is picking a new singer for L7 or the 4 Non-Blondes.

Dilana should be your winner. She's got the chops, the stage presence, and the weird piercings. She's the only one of the remaining ten I can see that could stand on stage with this band and not back down. Dilana should go on to win, and hopefully have a better career than the winner of the first year's contest.

What do you think? Comments always welcome.