Reid About It

I know we're all guaranteed religious freedom in America, but I'm not exactly sure if buying a discount Bible is the best way to make it to heaven.

Nah, you don't need all four Gospels. And really, why do you want to know about all twelve apostles? You can just hit the highpoints.

This is like getting the Cliff Notes of the Bible. You know when you get to heaven, they might just ask you where you got the Word, right?

St. Peter: And where did you come to know the Lord, son?
You: Uh...on a table at Barnes & Noble. Marked down. Remaindered, really. They were right next to a pile of Michael Crichton novels.
St. Peter: Which ones?
You: "Congo" and "Sphere."
St. Peter: So, the crappy ones?
You: I guess so.
St. Peter: Yeah, you're going to have to wait over there.