You Say You Want A Resolution?
For the New Year, I will make the following resolutions. Please note that in no way am I to be held to my word on any of these.- To give up. Once I become invested emotionally in something, I almost never stop following it. Even when the quality of the thing in question drops off completely, I still feel like I've invested too much to quit. This time, when something like, say "Heroes," sucks for two straight years, perhaps I'll find the fortitude to just quit it. "24," you're on the clock.
- Not drink so many Cokes. This is my main resolution every year, I see no reason not to pretend to try it again. This one should last at least 10-15 minutes.
- No heroin. This is an easy one. I don't use it now, so this one will be splashy, but easy to keep. I plan to lose on the Cokes one, so I need one that's easy to handle to keep my average up.
- Find a new sitcom. I like to use the DVR to record sitcoms I might not have paid attention to the first time. So far I've been through NewsRadio, King Of Queens, Cheers, Just Shoot Me, and Frasier twice. Anybody got a suggestion?
- Get in shape. I will attempt to begin working out. Barring this, I will attempt to begin watching the "Exercise Channel".
- Clean it up. I will try to hold my profanity to a minimum, unless I am driving, at work, or at home.
- Career path. I will make good on my promise to go back to school and finish my athletic management degree, so I can achieve my lifelong goal of becoming a professional wrestling referee.
- Lighten up. I will try not to be so obscure in my pop-culture references. That's as as manipulative as Jason Bateman in "It's Your Move".
- Eat healthier. I will never again eat the Burger King Omelet Sandwich for breakfast, which contains 8 eggs, 11 sausages, 2 pounds of bacon, 7 kinds of cheese, butter, chocolate, and cigarettes. It's just too much to even be thought of as a guilty pleasure. It's like porn for your mouth. As I ate it, I could hear my pulse pounding in my ears.
Happy New Year, everybody!
3 Comments:
For your sitcoms, I highly recommend My Name Is Earl and The Office.
You have to watch The Big Bang Theory. The are still in first-run episodes, but it's still great anyway. Jim Parson's character, Dr. Sheldon Cooper is the funniest! I have watched the 1st season on DVD over and over.
Comedy Central's "That's my Bush." Only 4 episodes, so it's easy to say you've seen them all.
PS. I bet you wind up on heroin now that you've mocked it.
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