As Seen On TV, Always
Catching up on some television over the weekend, I think I've hit upon why real life is so frustrating. There are things that happen all the time on television that just don't happen to us in real life.Cars Exploding - I've mentioned this one before, but cars explode on every single cop and detective show on TV. Every week, a dozen cars go up in a giant fireball. I've never seen one, not even once. I feel like I've been gypped.
People Angrily Leaving a Restaurant Without Eating - This happens a lot, especially in romantic comedies. there's a meal, the food is served, and then someone gets upset and storms out. I don't think I've ever been angry enough to leave without eating. And for that matter, who's paying for that meal? I don't care how angry you get during the appetizer, most maitre d' are instructed to tackle you if you try to leave without paying for that prime rib you ordered.
Overturning A Table - Here's another one. I've been waiting for somebody to get in an argument and flip a table ever since I saw Duran Duran's "Rio" video. Doesn't happen in real life, at least not on purpose.
Phone Manners - Nobody ever says "good-bye" on the phone. They just hang up and walk off. I can't help but imagine the person on the other end of that call saying "Hello? Hello? Why, you rude bastard!"
Paternity Tests - I've never known anybody who needed one except Anna Nicole Smith, but there's one a month on soap operas. And also, every paternity test is wrong. Every single one is compromised. No soap opera fan was surprised when OJ was acquitted,because they're used to things always being wrong.
Haircuts - No one every gets a haircut in an episode, nor does anyone's hair ever change from episode to episode unless it's a plot point.
Groceries in Paper Bags - I know as viewers, we have to see that somebody's bought groceries. Apparently we're too stupid to know that unless we see the characters walking in with the same type of grocery-carrying-apparatus that June Cleaver used forty years ago. To heck with recycling.
6 Comments:
Y'know...I hadn't thought about the paper bags one...you're dead right.
Where do they get those paper bags? Aren't they museum items by now?
They don't even ask "paper or plastic" anymore, do they? You're right, those just went away completely.
The whole "not saying good-bye" thing has bugged me for years. Thank you for validating my annoyance.
I know! It would take a whole half of a second for a character to just say "Bye!" and hang up the phone.
I always wonder if on the other end of the conversation, the person is sitting there holding the phone saying "Hello? Hello? That son-of-a-#@*% hung up on me..."
Know what else annoys me? The whole "waking up with perfect hair and untouched make-up." Seriously? Who looks like that in the morning. Is it too much to ask for a little bed-hair every now and then?
Teeth brushing: why don't they ever use toothpaste?
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