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Irrelevant Tangents

You know, considering it's supposed to be his birthday, Jesus doesn't have a lot to do with Christmas. There's no pictures of him sledding, or skiing. He wore sandals, so he wouldn't have even had stockings to put out for Santa. He never even saw a snowman, for crying out loud.

Redone holiday Christmas pop music is the worst. It was cool for a short period of time, but now, come on. Do we really need to hear the next generation of "Behind The Music" subjects and "Surreal Life" housemates mangling "Oh Holy Night" and "Jingle Bell Rock"? There's no Christmas rap songs. There's a clear reason for that.

On a related note, many of the Ethiopian famine victims in the mid 80's are actually living better than the people who sang on Band Aid's "Do They Know It's Christmas" song. I swear I saw an Ethiopian Relief Album for Bananarama the other day.

I consider myself an honest guy, so I'll hip the women of America to a particular message we seem to be having trouble with. If you wear a tight t-shirt with something written across the front of it, we are going to look at it. Don't glare at us for daring to look at the wares you've obviously spent a great time in displaying. That's like trying to hold back sunlight with a prism.

So OJ's idea to sell himself as a criminal mastermind didn't work, I see. FOX's plan to have OJ do a mockumentary on "IF I had Killed My Wife" fell through. Pity, that's something I think FOX could have really turned into a series where every week, OJ explains how he would have pulled off an unsolved murder. You know, "OJ: IF I Had Killed JonBenet Ramsey." "OJ: IF I Had Killed Natalie Hollowell." "OJ: IF I Had Kidnapped The Lindbergh Baby."

I think a great title for a breakup song would be "She's Like The Wind, Because She Blew Everybody."

I went to Subway, because I like to have my food prepared by a "Sandwich Artist." However, I was served a six inch human feces on rye, covered in blood and oil, submerged in a beaker of urine and wrapped in an American flag. It was then I realized I had been served by a sandwich performance artist.

Is there any justice in a universe where we're down to two surviving members of the Beatles, and only two members of the Who, but all four Monkees are still alive and well? By the way, the Beatles lost both guitarists, the Who lost their rhythm section. Why not put them together for an all-star band, and call them the Who-tles?

blogified by Reid @ 12/22/2006 01:39:00 AM 

3 Comments:

Blogger Christine said...

I heard the live version of "Do They Know It's Christmas" the other day by Band Aid 20 (recorded live in 2004). The studio is a good thing.

As for the tight T-shirt thing: I've been with my husband for seven years, and he still talks to my chest at times. No matter what I'm wearing. I'm just used to it, I guess.

9:56 AM  
Blogger Rachael said...

hehehe, the Monkees rule, hehehe!

11:48 AM  
Blogger Jill said...

Surely you haven't forgotten "Christmas in Hollis"????

I heard it just today. (And yes, I blasted my radio and car-danced.)

12:52 PM  

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