Irrelevant Tangents
There's something I'm a bit depressed about. I'm 36, and I've never seen a car explode. It happens all the time on TV and in movies, but it's never happened when I was around. It's quite peculiar.
My MP3 player has about 100 songs on it at any given moment. Why, then, does it play Loverboy's "Hot Girls In Love" every single time I turn it on and listen more than 5 minutes?
We now have microwave tacos, and awesome omelette sandwiches. I have a little test I like to run on a food before I try it. If I look at a food and the first thing I think is that Elvis would have liked it, I pass.
Why do they always advertise radio stations on billboards with pictures of the morning DJs? "You know, I think I'll listen to 97.3, honey. Their morning DJ is a short, bald man wearing sunglasses and leaning into the camera. He looks cool. I'll bet his musical tastes are quite similar to mine, since he looks like some crotchety old guy who used to roadie for Nazareth and Molly Hatchet."
Reid's Household Tips:
Q: I spilled milk on my shag carpet, what should I do?
A: Move.
The Post Office will sell you collectible stamps, with baseball players, or motorcycles, or superheroes on them. So the USPS is basically manufacturing a product to sell you that they hope you don't use? That's like trying to get you to cash your paycheck in money you're just going to hang on your wall.
They should have a combination fax machine/shredder. Most of the crap you get faxed to you, you don't need anyway.
1 Comments:
1. I've got you beat. I saw a fuel truck explode once. It was on an air force base in a middle eastern country that shall remain anonymous. That was a bitch.
2. That's what you get, man.
3. Do those two items pass or fail the Elvis test? Microwave tacos?
4. But that's how it works. If you listen to that crap, you probably look like that. Whatever the style.
5. That's good advice. On a somewhat related note, I have to say that it is also good homemaking practice to pour milk all over your stove then forget to tell your roommate. That way, when you pull in from work, he can welcome you while standing in the driveway gagging as the cloud of milk smoke billows out of the kitchen.
6. They have that kind of money.
7. Yeah.
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