Reid About It

I tend to let things get kind of messy at my house. The other day I tried to throw something on the floor and missed.

When I see "Coach Season I On DVD: Limited Edition", I agree. It's limited for a good, common-sense reason.

I like going to PetSmart, because I can pee anywhere I like and nobody notices.

Why don't they make a video game where you're delivering foreign aid? That might make international peace and prosperity a little bit sexier.

If women really want to wear a fragrance that attracts men, they should make a perfume that smells like the laundry aisle. Or perhaps the first whiff from a freshly opened bag of potato chips.

Lesson: Never try and make witty small talk with a girl whose earrings are bigger than her head.

If a medication is referred to as "Maximum Strength," why would you ever need to take more than one of them at a time?

I just got Eddie Money's Greatest Hits album, and I can remember clearly two of his songs that were released as singles with videos that are not included on the album. I'm not sure what that says about his management team, nor am I certain what that says about me.

Idle Thought: I caught part of "To Die For" on cable the other night. Is that the best movie Nicole Kidman has ever made that takes place in the present day? You know, disqualify any role she's had where she was wearing a hoop skirt and doing a Merchant Ivory flick.

I know we all love our new, sleek, futuristic little cell phones, but why can't they build one that's not so slippery? I know we all like to pretend they're tricorders, but if it's so smooth you can't hang on to it and drop it in the toilet, that doesn't help anybody.

Owens sausage has a flavor designated "Extra Mild." What the Hell is that? Is it super-average? Is it extra-medium? Does it have that certain lack of taste that mild foods have, except an exciting amount of it?