Reid About It

Wrapping things up on a Friday, and the chatter is all abuzz with whatever the Hell people are talking about these days. Even as a pop culture savant, there are certain things I won't sully my weekend with thinking about. In no particular order...

Isaiah Washington - Don't care about the slur, the firing, or the TV show. The slur may be the high point of his career, when you consider that before lucking onto the chick-tv sensation that is Grey's Anatomy, he was in such classics as "Wild Thing 2" and "Trois 3: The Escort." I think any concern over his popularity is one of those things that would take care of itself in the long term.

Alli - The new weight loss drug that everyone will take for two years, then realize the side effects are death, dismemberment, sexual dysfunction, uncontrollable falling down syndrome, Dutch Elm disease, the Rockin' Pneumonia, The Boogie Woogie Flu, Cat Scratch Fever, the drowsies, the Drop Thumb Medley, and whatever else people will develop and sue the company to recoup their losses.

And how ironic is the naming of a diet drug "Alli", thus bringing up thoughts of Callista Flockheart as America's favorite emaciated, swollen-lipped attorney? Remember when everybody watched Ally McBeal? Me either, but I know it happened, I remember the TV Guide covers.

Celebrity Impersonators - Reality show or otherwise, how do you build a long-term career in this profession? Does somebody pay you a dollar everytime you hear the phrase "You know, you look a lot like..."?

Bollywood stars - Never heard of this before six weeks ago, and still have never heard of these people. "Bollywood" is the new "tilapia," it's just something they've made up to sell to us.

Any reality show involving chefs - How am I supposed to care about somebody's culinary creations if I can't taste them? It would be like picking your "American Idol" winner with the sound muted.

A Possible Spice Girls Reunion - It would be interesting for roughly the same amount of time the Spice Girls were the first time. And for that matter...

Eddie Murphy/Scary Spice's Baby - Don't care at all as long as I don't have to watch it. She hasn't had a hit in a decade, and Eddie hasn't been funny except in animated form in twice that long. Spare me the sexcapades.

Lauren Jones, Anchorwoman - They're filming this new reality show where a supermodel tries to turn into a local news anchor. They're shooting this is my home town, thus setting back my city and my former profession at the same time.

While embarrassing, this isn't anything new. Watch any major pageant and listen to the interview portion. Four out of five contestants want to work in television. And notice the way they say it. They don't want to be journalists, or investigative reporters. They have no desire to expose corruption or shine the light of truth on injustice.

They want to be on television because they're pretty. They think the world will become a better place if everyone gets a chance to see them every afternoon.

As for the show, on set they've taken all of the sex appeal out of the sex kitten. She wears her hair back, and dresses semi-conservatively, or at least wearing more clothes than she did when she was a WWE Diva. However, on the occasions when she appears out of the studio, she's a bit more supermodel-y. Yesterday, they had footage of her at a local park, kicking a soccer ball with kids while wearing four-inch heels and a low-cut blouse. The kids were too young to be suitably impressed.

Political candidates - As an independent, I pretty much have to choose between whoever wins their party's nomination. I'm a hostage to whatever human suit they throw up there.

The Backstreet Boys Manager Getting Arrested - This may be of interest to people who fell for the boy band trend a few years ago, but I never bought in. And besides, the damage to our collective psyche has already been done. Can simply jailing this man erase the wasted brain cells that still hold the song "Show Me The Meaning Of Being Lonely?"

Could a military execution blot out the lyrics, "Let me show you the shape of my heart"? Uh, I dunno, guys. Without succumbing to your metaphor, perhaps it's shaped like a heart.