Reid About It TV

Like many of you, I watched the Oscars last night. Good show, I thought Hugh Jackman did a great job. The opening song was really good, although I still don't know why we make the host sing to start the show when we only have a movie musical about every three years. I blame Billy Crystal.

Anyway, Jackman was good. He can sing, dance, act, and he's Wolverine. He's got across-the-board credentials for Broadway, Hollywood, and comic book geeks everywhere.

I did notice within the first five minutes we got shots of Robert Downey Jr. and Mickey Rourke in the crowd. That's a good way to remind everyone of who's on their final career comeback, and that they're safe and sound and in their seats.

A weird work schedule and a generally short attention span means I don't get out to the theatres much, so for the ninth straight year I hadn't seen any of the Best Picture nominees. I was shocked to discover that "Saw V" wasn't nominated for any of the major categories, though.

That's the problem a lot of people have, actually. More people watched the Friday the 13th remake in it's opening weekend than saw three of the Best Picture nominees combined. "Milk," "The Reader," and "Frost/Nixon" weren't as popular as, say, "Transporter 3."

I live in East Texas, so some of those movies didn't even play around here. I really wanted to see "Frost/Nixon," but my local theatre wasn't carrying it. Instead, they were taking up the entire evening showing Larry the Cable Guy in "Witless Protection," then turning up the house lights for a roundtable discussion.

Here's the actual top ten movies of the year, and what stands out about them to me:
(#1) The Dark Knight - Made a billion dollars, and Heath Ledger won the Oscar for best supporting actor.
(#2) Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - I can't find anyone who admits to liking it, it was the victim of the most savage South Parking ever. And rightfully so, I might add.
(#3) Kung Fu Panda - Firmly established Jack Black as not quite so annoying in cute cartoon form.
(#4) Hancock - First super-hero movie since 1978 not to have action figures (see #6 below).
(#5) Mamma Mia! - Movie musicals aimed at women, gay men, and disco holdouts are a good idea sometimes.
(#6) Iron Man - Sold a whole bunch of toys, some of which went to me.
(#7) Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa - Proved very popular with people who like to move it, move it.
(#8) Quantum of Solace - Made lots of money in spite of having a title that made no sense.
(#9) WALL-E - If the movie business were the NYSE, I couldn't afford Pixar stock.
(#10) The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian - This movie was made from a series of books I never read, thus putting it in the same category with the Lord of the Rings movies, Gone With The Wind, and anything based on a book published before 1990.

The Friday PopCast returns, of for no other reason that to celebrate life, love, and an allergy-induced case of Major Market Radio Voice.

Today, I'll lament the death of my DVR and the hilariously embarrassing run through the old season pass list, and also talk about the Super Bowl commercials. Not the game, though, don't worry. I will also for the first time reveal my Super Bowl comment that was banned from television.

More discussion and sarcasm available on the PopCast, as always.

Click here to download Reid's PopCast in .MP3 format (13.1M, 14:00).

As both a lifelong football fan and a guy who lives in the pop culture, the Super Bowl is my high holy day. It's the perfect storm of my interests.

My take on the game, the halftime show, and the commercials is up at Examiner.com. In addition to the game, I can promise you jokes about Michael Phelps, Rod Blagejovich, beer, Doritos, Vin Deisel, Mickey Rourke, Bruce Springsteen (and how nobody listens to his lyrics), The "Great Jack in the Box-Spokeman Murder of 2009," McGruber, and much more.

Check it out over at Examiner.com.

"Lost" returned last night, and as this will be a spoiler-free post, I'll just say that I enjoyed it immensely. "Lost" has never been much for giving us answers, but it certainly does a good job of making the old questions not relevant any more. I still wonder occasionally why they never told us why there are polar bears on the island, but we've got much bigger questions to wonder about now.

To me, the renewed appeal of "Lost" is wrapped up in one sentence. I know "Lost" will end in May 2010.

That's it. I know with as many questions as "Lost" brings up, in sixteen months it will all be over. Every episode will lead to that point, and the series is on the clock until then.

After a meandering third season, "Lost" announced it would run six seasons, then end. The fourth season picked up the pace tremendously, and made the show fun. No matter how weird it gets, I know they can't just string us along.

I think having a finite lifespan is a big bonus to a show that's going to tell a story. Perhaps "According To Jim" can go on forever with no distinguishable drop (or rise) in quality, but when you have a show based around a premise that asks questions, you really should let the audience know you're going to eventually pay off.

It's "The Shield" versus "Prison Break," for example. "The Shield" set a deadline, and you knew with every week, the situation was getting more and more intense. Anything could happen, because after a certain date, they didn't have to have enough characters left to put on a show.

On the other hand, "Prison Break" could have been a really good one-year show. After a few years the novelty of breaking into prison, then breaking out of prison, then breaking back in and out of prison just kind of gets to you.

"Heroes" is another good example. The first season was great. The second season was fairly awful, and the third season was even worse. The show is floundering badly in a retread of every plotline that ever worked, and I'm rapidly losing interest. Heroes started by answering questions rapidly, sort of the anti-"Lost." Since then, they've stretched things out to ridiculous lengths because there's no end in sight for the show.

With "Lost," the payoff on the investment of your time is guaranteed. I can respect that.

Well, Jack Bauer has returned. The new season of 24 premiered last night, and I'm cautiously optimistic. That may be because the quality of the series has improved, or perhaps it's only because it's been nearly two years since we had new episodes and I've finally gotten the stench of last season off of me.

I'll hold off on the full-on examination for a few more episodes, but I will say that watching terrorists try and take over a computer network to crash airplanes is frighteningly reminiscent of "Die Hard 2," which is certainly not a good thing.

I blogged about this a few months ago, and it still keeps happening. Why is it that every time a Hanson brother gets married or has a kid, they feel the need to tell us about it? Have Kris Kross produced any offspring? Anybody know how any of The Jets are doing? Why aren't I barraged with constant updates on the marital status of Proclaimers?

AC/DC's new album will only be available in Wal-Mart. In a related story, the latest album from the Gaither Vocal Band will only be sold in the parking lot of Metallica concerts.

Morrissey is telling his fans not to buy his new live album. Gutsy move. Pretty much anybody left over from the 80's who still has someone willing to buy new albums is lucky. If Terence Trent D'Arby was going to ask his fans not to buy his latest album, he wouldn't have to make a website post or call a press conference. He could just pick up the phone.

They're doing a remake of the old Banana Splits kids' show. Perfect. Another remake of something that was only popular with people who were either children, high, or both.

And in other news about things that didn't need to be remade, it's time for another "Fame." If you don't remember "Fame," here's the plot: Poor kids sing and dance, go to school, keep singing and dancing, attain some measure of success, then get theirs hopes and dreams crushed in horrible, horrible ways that involve a suicide and the worst nude scene since "Deliverance." Sounds like a laugh riot that'll really pull in that "High School Musical" audience, eh?

There's been a lot of talk about the new "Beverly Hills, 90210" spinoff coming out. Let me be the first to say, "Good luck" and "it won't work."

Sorry. I give it a year of heavily-hyped media attention, then a quick fade.

The original "90210" was a surprise hit. Back in 1991, FOX took a chance and aired new episodes of the show over the summer, thus breaking the long-standing policy of the big three networks to only show reruns over the summer months.

Let me correct myself. I say they took a chance, in reality they were just desperate. Fox was airing shows like Drexell's Class, Get A Life, Haywire, and Parker Lewis Can't Lose, some of which lasted so briefly, even wikipedia doesn't remember them. At the time, 90210 wasn't even in the top hundred shows, so they literally had nothing to lose.

And so they did it, and it worked out. Dylan and Brenda's summer romance was the talk of the nation, at least among the coveted young female demographic. The show gained popularity, spun off two shows, and quickly went downhill. Worse, almost every actor left the show at one point or another. Worst of all, Brian Austin Green wasn't one of the actors who left.

The show was a fireball, a product whose legend far exceeds it's actual use. Sure, people remember the chants of "Donna Martin Graduates," but who recalls the murder of Dylan's fiance? Or Vanessa Marcil and Donna turning out to be cousins and half-sisters? Or when everybody realized that Andrea was in her 30's and still in high school, like Cameron Crowe?

Do we need another "90210"? What's to be gained from reimagining the show? That current young female demographic doesn't remember the show, they remember "The OC" and "Dawson's Creek."

They have their own memories. A new "90210" is like hearing a song you used to love when you were a kid and enjoying it, then realizing it wasn't that great anyway and going on to the next one.

I think after a few years of working with a DVR (the generic TiVo), it's become the piece of technology I can't do without. If you made me choose, I would give up my microwave, DVD player, GPS system, mp3 player, alarm clock, electric hammer, battery-operated melonballer, and my iPants before I'd let you take my DVR away.

Perhaps nothing is better for the ego than realizing you can suddenly stop time. Not paying attention to the show and something important happens? Back it up. You're watching something featuring the maddening mumbling of Eric Braeden? No problem, hit instant replay and try and figure out exactly what he meant when he said "That summa wuz happa hehna anaga."

It goes further than that, though, I actually get upset when I realize I don't have my DVR powers in real life. I'm constantly finding myself trying to rewind songs on the radio, or instant replay snippets of conversation. It's the ultimate ADD enabler.

ABC: Desperate Housewives -- Susan trips over things, Bree is uptight, Lynette tricks Tim, Gaby is a sociopath (repeat).
ABC: Lost -- In a cruel twist, the Oceanic 7 are picked to be on the new season of "Big Brother."
ABC: Extreme Home Makeover -- The gang makes over Neverland Ranch in an attempt to make it more kid-friendly, with disasterous results.
CBS: Two-And-A-Half Men -- Charlie and Alan discuss with Jake how it's possible that their show has been on for five years, and yet no one has any memories of ever watching it.
CBS: CSI: Duluth
NBC: ER -- For the 14th consecutive year, horrible things happen at County General Hospital, which must have been built on an Indian burial ground or something.
NBC: Deal or No Deal -- Howie Mandel gets America to laugh at a woman who just swapped $100,000 for a roll of quarters.
NBC: America's Got Talent -- Live coverage proves actually no, it doesn't.
FOX: 24 -- Jack Bauer finds his new mission is to free Keifer Sutherland from jail.
FOX: Family Guy -- Peter equates Brian's rabies with the time he worked as P-Diddy's pool cleaner.
MTV: Pimp My Mom
VH1: I Love Yesterday Morning
ESPN: Live coverage of Brett Favre sitting in traffic.
NFL NETWORK: Fashion Week -- Live coverage of ESPN's coverage of Brett Favre.
VH1: Behind the Music -- The tragic fate of Josie and the Pussycats.
BRAVO: Inside The Actor's Studio -- Examines Christopher Walken's career, from up and coming weirdo to highly respected creepy bastard.
TRAVEL: "Branson, Wal-Mart's Las Vegas"
FOOD: "Cooking for Bulemics"

Catching up on some television over the weekend, I think I've hit upon why real life is so frustrating. There are things that happen all the time on television that just don't happen to us in real life.

Cars Exploding - I've mentioned this one before, but cars explode on every single cop and detective show on TV. Every week, a dozen cars go up in a giant fireball. I've never seen one, not even once. I feel like I've been gypped.

People Angrily Leaving a Restaurant Without Eating - This happens a lot, especially in romantic comedies. there's a meal, the food is served, and then someone gets upset and storms out. I don't think I've ever been angry enough to leave without eating. And for that matter, who's paying for that meal? I don't care how angry you get during the appetizer, most maitre d' are instructed to tackle you if you try to leave without paying for that prime rib you ordered.

Overturning A Table - Here's another one. I've been waiting for somebody to get in an argument and flip a table ever since I saw Duran Duran's "Rio" video. Doesn't happen in real life, at least not on purpose.

Phone Manners - Nobody ever says "good-bye" on the phone. They just hang up and walk off. I can't help but imagine the person on the other end of that call saying "Hello? Hello? Why, you rude bastard!"

Paternity Tests - I've never known anybody who needed one except Anna Nicole Smith, but there's one a month on soap operas. And also, every paternity test is wrong. Every single one is compromised. No soap opera fan was surprised when OJ was acquitted,because they're used to things always being wrong.

Haircuts - No one every gets a haircut in an episode, nor does anyone's hair ever change from episode to episode unless it's a plot point.

Groceries in Paper Bags - I know as viewers, we have to see that somebody's bought groceries. Apparently we're too stupid to know that unless we see the characters walking in with the same type of grocery-carrying-apparatus that June Cleaver used forty years ago. To heck with recycling.